Tony White

Can people change their life script?

Well there has been a heck of a lot of research on what causes people to change their script. So it would seem that some, indeed a significant number of people believe such change is possible or they wouldn’t ask what causes the change in the first place.

The factors that lead to an effective therapy outcome are:

40% factors outside the therapy room. The persons day to day life - work, family, living circumstances, finances, social life and so forth.


What do you actually do in your day to day life, everyday, day after day.




15% Hope. The person believes there is hope and chance of them getting better.

15% The theory and techniques. This allows the client to understand self so it makes sense to him or her.

30% The relational. The relationship between the client and the therapist.

So inside the therapy room the relationship between the client and therapist is the most important factor.

When I read these figures I found them interesting particularly the 40% being factors outside the therapy room. Perhaps this is where the life coach comes into effect. Being a life coach is the latest fad thing in the city where I live. Lots of people are promoting themselves as such a thing. Over the years as a therapist I think I have become one of these without even knowing it.


What has become of me?



A life coach is not a therapist or counsellor in that they do not employ any therapeutic techniques, particularly regressive techniques which are directly aimed at the Child ego state. They are more of a guide or mentor on day to day living and making decisions about the direction to head in life and so forth. I find that I have done more and more of this in working with clients over the years. Without a doubt I also use the relational and regressive therapeutic techniques on a daily basis so I am not a life coach in the true sense of the word. But over the years I have also come to see the value in ‘life coaching’ as part of an overall therapeutic approach.

Life coaching is seen a s a bit of a mickey mouse approach. Quite basic and simple which by and large it is but its therapeutic value to my mind had been grossly under rated. As an example of this just look at the figures I cited at the beginning of this post.


Do you actually do this? Enjoy your self each and every day?



I am reminded of one particular client, a man about 30 years of age. He was quite a difficult client who had a significant drug problem. It was a manageable drug problem but it did make life hard for him. I had been working with him for some time and he had done OK but it was slow going.

He came into some money at one point (ask no questions and be told no lies) and he was wondering what to do with it. His teeth which he had never been a topic of discussion between us were quite unsightly. Crooked, discoloured and so forth. I suggested that he get them done, so he could have that ‘winning smile’ as I called it. He was reluctant and said that he had better things to spend his money on (!!!) and he didn’t really care what they looked like and so forth. Anyway I put the pressure on him and he finally relented and he had some quite extensive dental work done.

Now suggesting that he get his teeth done is hardly a deep and meaningful therapeutic treatment strategy!. Your usual psychotherapy treatment plan does not include such things. It does not require an indepth understanding of the depths of the human psyche after years of intensive study. But it is kind of a life coaching type of thing to do.


Do the people you see each and every day, actually enjoy themselves?




Well he came in one day with his teeth done and they looked great. As I mentioned before with him therapy had been two steps forward and one step back up to that point. However all of a sudden he went ahead in bounds and changed his script in significant ways. Over time he made numerous comments on how much getting his teeth done had meant to him. Every time he looked into the mirror he saw himself with that ‘winning smile’ as he called it and felt good about himself as a result.

Obviously changing his teeth did not change his script. All the work we had done previously had been setting the stage for the change to his script. However changing his teeth significantly assisted that change. If he had not had the dental work done then I suspect he would have never achieved what he did.

When you think about it the thing about a person’s day to day life is that it is completely unrelentingly relentless. It is there with you every minute of every day, day after day and wont go away. How you look, and dress, what you do, who you hang out with and so on. This of course makes it a very potent psychological force which reinforces the persons view of themselves and others many hundreds of times per day. Maybe this is an explanation of the above statistics where day to day factors are 40% of a therapeutic outcome.

I think over time I had come to realise this without even knowing I was. I do initially focus on such matters and spend quite considerable effort with the client on such life coaching matters. If the client can make a few of these changes early on in therapy then they are getting a new and different positive reinforcement hundreds of times each day. As I watch what I do with clients I see that I constantly refer back to such matters on a regular basis.


Is life meant to be a serious business?



So it seems that I am at least in part a life coach!
Well it is trendy to be one of those these days!!
One has to move with the in crowd, doesn’t one?
(I need to be careful here as I am letting out my trade secrets)

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