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Sunday, 21 October 2007
Child development
Its amazing what you learn in the blogosphere. Look at this little gem I found in a blog.
In practice, most people say they have around one bowel movement a day. Generally, they are happy with this. Naturopaths say they should actually have about as many bowel movements a day as meals eaten.
It never ceases to amaze me how humans can complicate matters. Human communication is really very simple and yet we make it so complicated by bringing psychology into it.
What ever you may think of Freud and his theories he was a good observer. He proposed that there were three main developmental stages which all children go through.
Oral stage - first year
Anal stage - second and third years
Phallic stage - fourth and fifth years
The oral stage is all about satisfying and stimulating the mouth. Taking in and spitting out food, biting and aggression, sucking and so forth. Still to this very day the ‘great dummy debate rages’. Should a child be given a dummy to suck on? Is it OK for a child to suck their thumb? My mother used to report that when she had small children (me and my siblings) at the local child health centre there used to be posters on the walls stating. “Dangerous, dirty dummy”, because dummies were out of fashion at that point.
Then of course there is the whole area of feeding a child and what you do if a child refuses food and so forth. This is a psychological minefield of the worst kind. Such a simple thing becomes so complex because the personalities of mother and the child begin to intertwine.
If this stage is not dealt with effectively the child can become fixated at the oral stage. They basically get stuck there and then you get a whole array of psychological problems resulting. Common ones are addictions such as alcoholism or in particular cigarettes which are all about oral stimulation. And of course eating disorders also represent an oral fixation.
The oral stage actually has two parts
Sucking and biting much to the terror of the breast-feeding mother. The biting part of course is related to what is called oral aggression. When a young child gets quite angry one way of expressing that is to bite and this is usually seen as quite a high level of aggression expression by a child as it is such a primal mode of anger expression. Just look at how monkeys and dogs display their aggression with the barring of teeth, biting and so forth.
If successfully dealt with the child then moves onto the next stage, the anal stage which is all about anal stimulation and of course toilet training. Another aspect of parenting where there are no answers only opinions just like the naturopaths and their opinions about bowel movements!!
There is a group called the Tanala from Madagascar who have a very severe toilet training system. It begins at age 3 months and is expected to be completed by about 6 months. Physical punishments are used. At the other end of the scale there are the Siriono who are a group of South American indians. They use little or no punishment, commence training at about 18 months and have it completed by age 6 years.
Different child rearing methods to deal with different circumstances?
Which one is right? Unfortunately there is not an answer to that. However as with the oral stage people can also get fixated at this stage and then you will get two reactions. First you get the person who is seen as very anal. Particular, neat and tidy, orderly, very punctual and a Be Perfect type of person. You then can get others who go the other way and ‘shit all over the place’. They are particularly disorganised and untidy, chronically late and so forth.
Trust issues can result form this stage as can a sense of boundary which is one of the central features of the paranoid personality. These people have very rigid boundaries and they are hyper sensitive to them being transgressed. You never hug a paranoid without first asking them, even if they agree they will still think you have some ulterior motive for doing so. In addition you can get strange sexual behaviours such as infantilism where the man wishes to be dressed up in nappies and treated like a baby who is wanting its nappy changed.
Finally there is the phallic stage and for the female this is where the hysteric personality develops from. She gets fixated in the phallic stage. She falls in love with and wants to be father’s lover and spurn mother. This of course can lead to many marital problems in later life as she seeks in a man, a father figure who she can finally have at the expense of mother. In her mind she is having sex with a man who is her father and not her husband which does not help a marriage at all.
The hysteric personality uses sex as a communication mode more than most.
This is also a very complicated stage as it raises the whole area of childhood sexuality. Children are sexual beings who have sexual feelings. This horrifies many parents and adults who just want to shove it all in the too hard basket and pretend it all does not exist. In the society where I live there is a strong move to desexualize children as much as you possibly can as we are obsessed with pedophillia and allowing children to have their sexual side is seen as only encouraging the pedophiles.
Oh well, yet another generation with sexual issues in the making is being raised to keep counsellors employed for many years to come.
The other thing that adults do is they project their sexuality onto the child, when in fact they are quite different. As a child grows it discovers that when it touches it genitals it feels good. There is nothing odd about that. It also discovers that if it has an itch on its backside and it scratches that then it also feels good. The child's touching of its genitals is very different from adult masturbation which is much more than just touching the genitals because it feels good.
They are doing it because it feels good. No need to project adult sexuality onto it.
Phallic stages fixations are many and varied. Think of all the sexual dysfunctions and then of course there are all the sexual deviations. Then there are all the other things where sex gets mixed up with other stuff like love, power, submission. money, attractiveness, religion and so on endlessly. Holley Molley there are lots of them.
But lets see the glass half full rather than half empty. Human psychology is an awesome thing, so intricate, so complex, so multi dimensional and so on endlessly. A subject I find fascinating and is a never ending area of study. How to raise a child is such a interesting topic.
And there is just one other question here. What is proposed is that a child uses eating, elimination and sex as a means to establish its personality and identity. Why?
Why would it use those things? Why not use something else like dancing or singing?
Perhaps what Freud has done in that listening to people speak he has discovered that those three things of feeding, elimination and sexual feelings are particularly difficult areas for parents and children to resolve.
An alternative theory of personality development could be somewhat more flexible. Instead of accepting that it is these three things, one searches for the area that was a particular problem for the individual child and the individual parent.
I am reminded of one particular client who had a stage mother. The mother lived through her child and her performances on the stage as an actress and a singer. So this was where the child developed some of her main personality features and identitiy. So one does not look at the oral, anal and phallic stages, instead one looks for the battle ground between the child and the parent. It is on that battle ground that the child will develop its significant personality features and identity. So the task for the counsellor is not to look at the oral, anal and phallic stages but to find the battle field between mother and child, and when found they can then understand the how and why of the child's personality development. The remedial program can then be formulated and then be put into place.
Graffiti
21:40 Permalink | Comments (41) | Email this
Comments
What is proposed is that a child uses eating, elimination and sex as a means to establish its personality and identity. Why?
Clearly I havent a clue, but hey thats not stopped me in the past so let me take a wild (and probably stupid) guess.
These three area's have touch in common, which is another way of communicating, whether with self or others. And how and at what level we communicate is important in the development of personality?????????????
Personally I prefer the other theory you mentioned, about finding the battleground (again about communication / mis-communication) between mother and child.
Why do you state mother; does the relationship with the father not also be as significant, or not?
Hmmmm.
Posted by: kahless | Monday, 22 October 2007
ps I like your new picture Graffiti, very cooooool.
Posted by: kahless | Monday, 22 October 2007
Hi Tony,
Cool picture. I like the way you're able to grow younger. That's one trade secret I wish you could share with us.
Good to hear the Hammers had a good win today Tony, even though I like Sunderland. Feeling a bit subdued tonight after watching Lewis Hamilton's unhappy motoring in Brazil.
Nevermind he'll be back.
Yes Tony I know what you mean about histrionic women useing their sexuality. Hmmm recently I met a woman in a training workshop who struck me as quite histrionic. When everyone introduced themselves she said she was like a cat who liked to be stroked. She was very captivating but also quite exhausting to be around for the whole day.
Adios amigo.
Nick.
Posted by: NIck | Monday, 22 October 2007
Hi Tony.
I just wanted to remind you of the deal we made some time ago...: If I Do that gothic look again, you would eat sheephead. I wanted to remind you of this because I have now done my part of "the deal" :) I have pictures to prove it (I will just put them on my blog), and I expect to se profe that you have eaten sheaphead...:)
Posted by: Yvonne | Monday, 22 October 2007
Hi Nick,
Hope you are well. A bad week for our English sportsmen eh.
I thought what Graffiti said was
The hysteric personality uses sex as a communication mode more than most.
And didnt specifically attribute this only to women.
Women arent the only ones who use their sexuality and arent the only ones that are histronic surely?
I assume that you didnt mean to be sexist
:-)
Cheers
kahless.
Posted by: kahless | Monday, 22 October 2007
YaaaaaHooo,
cant wait to see this; well done Yvonne
Posted by: kahless | Monday, 22 October 2007
Hi kahless,
I was responding to the piccy of blondie with the pool cue in Tony's blog, Kahless. She's more on my radar than histrionic guys. Besides, I was talking more directly with Tony, altho' I don't mind you butting in.
Best wishes,
Nick
Posted by: Nick | Monday, 22 October 2007
Hi Nick,
The fact that you mentioned it, I read that you do indeed mind that that I "butted" in.
Would that be correct?
If that is the case then I am tempted to say that I will keep stoom in future, but then again, I cant promise that if my buttons get pushed.
Best wishes,
Kahless
Posted by: kahless | Monday, 22 October 2007
I had a friend years ago who monitored his bowel movements. He wasn't happy until he had the magic three movements per day. I hear that he owns millions of dollars worth of property in Margaret river these days. He was always a tad possessive and controlling. Its amazing how having a shit can determine aspects of ones personality.
You are a natural psychologist Graffiti. I like the way you are constantly interested in people and personality.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Monday, 22 October 2007
I think you are right about touch being important Kahless,
I will be writing more on this way of looking at human development soon.
You say:
Why do you state mother; does the relationship with the father not also be as significant, or not?
Yes of course the realtionship with the father is important. In the child's mind they do not care who it is, mother, father or anut fanny. All it cares about is that there is a consistent and kind person.
I used to do the whole thing about mentioning mother and father but in recent times I have stopped doing that and use the term mother some what generically. So when I say mother I am really saying the primary parenting figure for the child. The problem with saying that all the time is it is cumbersome and so PC. which I don't like.
but maybe I should go back to saying it
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Monday, 22 October 2007
Yes Nick there is a new photograph there. Who did that I never changed it!!!
Yaaay for West Ham.
I knew lewis Hamilton was racing but did not yet hear the result. I am sure I will. Casey Stoner the Aussie who is already the MotoGP world title holder won yet another race in malaysia this time.
You have captured it with hysterics Nick. Sometimes referred to as "Small dose people". Very good fun to be around but they are tiring.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Monday, 22 October 2007
Well hello to you Yvonne,
I recall the deal that we made
You gothic and me sheep head eater, and I have been true to my word and have done it already. I actually also ate a snake as well. I will find the pictures and post it here as it was some time ago.
You look good as a gothic. I hope this is the start of the whole new you!. The one on the left looks better but is it possible to have them not lying on their side as I have to turn my head sideways to see it.
You do look very much like your sister sometimes.
Regards
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Monday, 22 October 2007
You raise an interesting point Kahless,
hysterics are commonly referred to as a 'she' as the vast majority of hysteric personalities are female. Why that is so is a matter of debate.
The paranoid personality is often referred to as a 'he' because the vast majority of them are males. Of course there are some female paranoid personality types but much less than males.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Monday, 22 October 2007
Hello Kenoath,
You friend counts his daily bowel movements? I suppose he has a chart on the wall and graphs them for the month. Would be a good topic of discussion when freinds and relatives drop by.
Have you seen that movie "Kenny", Kenoath!
That is the best movie I have seen for a long long time. I laughed and laughed and laughed.
So many funny parts like when he is talking with his father who constantly tells him to get a proper job. Kenny says he is fine with being a plumber to which the father replies,
"You're not a plumber, you're nothing but a glorified turd burgler".
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Monday, 22 October 2007
He probably has those charts Graffiti, he might call them Bow-el Bones Index.
Yes that Kenny is a good movie, he always had something interesting to say about ablutions.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Monday, 22 October 2007
Happy Monday Tony,
"1 : of or relating to phallicism
2 : of, relating to, or resembling a phallus
3 : relating to or being the stage of psychosexual development in psychoanalytic theory that follows the anal stage and during which a child becomes interested in his or her own sexual organs"
You know the "Frankinstien Monster" Tony? People used to actually do that kind of stuff to people didn't they? I'm reading a book - looks like a Psychology Text book I think - and it said that they did experiments on animals because they couldn't use people of course. They probably did though huh?
And i read that the first man who was like, actually a psychologist, or atleast 'labeled' as one, died in 1920. So it's a very new science!
It brought home to me that it is - just science. So it's a study of things or recordings of observations of things, occurences, experiences.
I was talking to some one yesterday and he said something that i hadn't noticed before. He said that when something hurt him like say... a paper cut, that it was strange the way that we forget the pain. I thought to my self, it stings for ages.
I trod on a nail, well a galvanized screw the other week and it hurt - a lot - and i remember how it hurt back then, even now. But it's different isn't it? My memory of the initial pain is very different to the actual experience of the pain felt at the time?
But we tend to watch for patterns or habits don't we? I mean, when i was working and holidays would arrive, I'd wake up the first morning of my holidays with the flu or atleast the onset. So, i knew to be sure to start taking garlic+horseradish for about a week or 2 before the brake and make sure that i took the first 2 days off and slept or did virtually nothing and rested. (Actually i just read about that in Dr Berne's book - after burn and the pre thingy, geez, what ever it is)
Lots of things are patterns aren't they? For a long long time i've been aware of the patterns, but only recently i've thought to mention them to the people involved. It really makes a difference. The big explosions don't stop though but the yucky stuff inbetween isn't quite so constant now. Maybe it's just my imagination, but i do tend to be a hopeful being. Can't help my self *giggles*
"In practice, most people say they have around one bowel movement a day. Generally, they are happy with this. Naturopaths say they should actually have about as many bowel movements a day as meals eaten." - I guess it all depends doesn't it?
Posted by: Roses | Monday, 22 October 2007
Hi Tony,
You dont need to go back and say mother and father; yes it would be too cumbersome. I just wondered if both were being referred to. I now know for future.
Cos there must be potential differences between the bond between mother and father from the sheer nature that baby has already been in mothers womb for 9 months?
Posted by: kahless | Monday, 22 October 2007
Tony?
I forgot to say that it's interesting how one side of your mouth goes down and the other up, but you still look happy - well at least half happy. Can't see through the glasses though. Do you have light sensitive eyes?
Hi Kahless!
Welcome home!
Roses
Posted by: Roses | Monday, 22 October 2007
I wasn't very happy when that photograph was taken Roses,
I was unshaven, it was early in the morning, I was hung over and we were just leaving on a long car trip on the way home from the country.
And the person in the front seat decided to take some photographs and asked me to smile!!
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Monday, 22 October 2007
Tony?
Well honestly, you're lucky it turned out a nice pic then aren't you? But it does explain the sunnies though.
I'm thinking of emailing you for some help. They say when you're going out to buy a car you take someone with you that knows cars - if a horse then some one who knows horses - so i figure a psychology course... i'd ask you. It's all good if that's too annoying for you but I thought i'd ask any way.
Is it ok?
Roses
Posted by: Roses | Monday, 22 October 2007
Hey Tony, Not a bad photo considering the conditions :-).
Posted by: Madeleine | Monday, 22 October 2007
I like the unshaven rugged look and this picture is more sexy than the last Graffiti!
Roses, I hadnt noticed about the smile; you are right.
:-)
Posted by: kahless | Monday, 22 October 2007
Hi Kahless,
That's fine butt in all you like. It's always interesting to read your comments.
Nick
x
Posted by: Nick | Monday, 22 October 2007
Lots of worthy comments - interesting debate. I am not so sure about all the phallic stage stuff. Frued was a little wierd when it comes to sex - and had certain gender steriotype beliefs and based his research on very small groups of women. mmmm not so sure about that bit. Sex is part of life - it feels good, as does eating and having a satifying shit. We are creatures of the body. I love the way we apply our minds to it all - but essentially we are avoiding death for as long as we can. Food goes in, waste comes out and we create the next generation so that death is not the end.
Anyway that is way too worthy for me at this time of night, after a hard days work .... so my options, hot chocolate, nice read on the bog or maybe a bit of bedroom action? Think I will carry on blogging for a bit :o)
Posted by: Queen Vixen | Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Tony, I must say I agree that your new photo looks very nice. You look quite handsome and dashing there. I think it's funny that you managed that while hung over! Might we all be so lucky! If I were not married and you didn't already know I'm nuts, I would probably wish for a date with you. Ok, so I'm not the wishing type... I would come right out and ask in a brash and histrionic manner! Even if you declined, you would at least be entertained. :-)
Your sense of humour is alive and well today, I hope?
Posted by: Lynn | Tuesday, 23 October 2007
You hysterics you Lynn!!!
I assume you did score high on hysterics on that test a little while ago.
Cheers
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Hello Queen Vixen,
thanks for commenting.
I agree with you that some of freuds stuff is a bit debateable, and lets keep it in context. He did formulate these theories in Vienna in the late 1800s and at that time case studies were a legitimate form of psychological research.
Also he wrote in german and the translations by Strachley (sp) are considered quite dubious at points. So I think it is wise to realize that Freud didn't actually say these things we read they are what Strachley said Freud said.
Funny how in all of the blogosphere one comes across a fellow CTA. Well done on your recent success in the examinations.
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Yes it is rather strange. Fate maybe ... hehehe I echo Lynn by the way. Looking good kid!
Posted by: Queen Vixen | Tuesday, 23 October 2007
I actually came off as the paranoid antisocial type in that test, Tony. I see things very differently when I am in that frame of mind. I knew when I saw those results what the flip side of that would be. I remember Bobo saying the test made him sound like Dame Edna's lost love child (he has such great wit!). I knew that had I taken that test in my 'other' mind set, we would have appeared to be close relatives!
I think it is something like this:
deep wasteland = nothing
wasteland close to the fence = antisocial
fence = 'normal-ish' person who doesn't say much
meadow = hysterical
Something like that.
Right now, though, I am none of those things. I am just me. I wrote about it, just not in the 'public'.
Posted by: Lynn | Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Actually Tony...
I think these look good. What do you recon...?
http://www.acs.edu.au/courses/product.aspx?id=468
Yeah back to this one again. I don't know...
http://www.aipc.net.au/enquiries/dippro/dipprocourseout.php
There's a heap of them but i don't know what i need to do and what i don't need to do...
http://www.theaca.net.au/docs/ACA_Approved_Courses.pdf
I'm going to visit a friend who's just finishing her Uni Degree this arvo. She didn't do Psych but at least she has a clue about uni.
Is anyone able to encourage me in one way or another? I really would like some imput.
By the way, it's a lovely day to have a lovely day. Hope you have a lovely one. Cheers...
Posted by: Roses | Wednesday, 24 October 2007
Hi Tony and all,
Now that you've changed your piccy I'm tempted to talk to you differently now somehow. I guess it's changed the relational space across the net a little. I wonder whether this is a common feeling?
Jack.
Posted by: Jack | Wednesday, 24 October 2007
not for me Jack, unless that is, Graffiti appeared in his avatar photo wearing mascara, blush and lipstick. Which I doubt he would.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Thursday, 25 October 2007
That's a great image in my mind Kenoath. Thanks for the giggle.
Posted by: Madeleine | Thursday, 25 October 2007
Hi Ken,
You never know Ken, Tony might dress up like you describe, especially if he wants to get in touch with his feminine side or is running out of things to try for the first time.
Jack
Posted by: Jack | Thursday, 25 October 2007
Hi Lynn,
Yes that Bobo can be a funny guy. He often makes me chuckle.
I assume you have seen Dame Edna?
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 25 October 2007
Hi Roses,
I will look at those course tonight and get back to you.
Sounds like
"When was the last time you did something for the first time"!!!
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 25 October 2007
Well I don't know about the lipstick but as you say Jack we are all in the realtional on this blog.
So if I change then that makes you transform as well.
So get ready for it Jack, Kenoath and Madeleine!
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 25 October 2007
Tony, I don't think a photo of you wearing mascara, blush and lipstick is going to transform me very much. Might give me a giggle though. You would have to take off the sunnies !!
Posted by: Madeleine | Thursday, 25 October 2007
Thanks Tony,
There's a heap there but i can only do distance ones. I'm clueless but i hope they have a great resourse center when i can find the workshops i need to get to.
It's a small bite of a huge elephant this "Last time since i did something for the first time" thing. I'm all excited - like a little girl at christmas at the thought of getting a kitten i realise that in a week or to i'm still having to care for the kitten, then i'm paying vet bills, working to pay the vet bills - it doesn't stop the initial excitment though. I'm frightened.
It's all good. It has to be i guess. Thank you so much, if you can suggest a better alternative i'm willing to check it out too.
Roses
Posted by: Roses | Thursday, 25 October 2007
Stranger things gave happened in my life time. Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water. Well I would like to see that Jack and experience the transforming bit at my end. You will challenge us all to transform in some way Graffiti, if you do this one for the first time.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Thursday, 25 October 2007
Holley Molley Roses,
I understand why you are confused so am I!
There are so many
ACA Approved Counsellor Training Courses
shows that.
I can only give some general ideas.
1. How long is the course
2 weeks
2 months
2 years
and so on.
The more time generally speaking the better quality.
in the ACS distance education in module 5 they do
week 1 - Freud and Jung
week 2 - adler
week 3 - gestalt therapy
week4 - Carl Rogers
week 5 - Albery ellis
and so on. They say this takes a 100 hours. Find out how much is class contact and how much you do by yourself. It maybe 1 hour contact and 99 hours of your own study expected.
That one is quite comprehensive, but as I siad find out how much they actually do and what you have to actually do
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 25 October 2007