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Tuesday, 20 November 2007
More on my style of counselling
I am writing some stuff on counselling and I thought this bit might go well in a blog.
So here it is.
A pure non-directive approach is not my natural style I would say. Although it has its uses with a particular type of client as I mentioned before. On the other hand I certainly am not a ‘teacher’ or very directive type of counsellor. So what am I?
Teacher style therapists who just tell clients stuff can end up with clients who feel like this. The therapist starts to sound like a grammer phone or a broken record. Its like the father who gives the teenage son a lecture. After one minute they just stop listening and just nod the head to give the impression they are listening.
If one is not being non-directive, it is also not a matter of telling the client stuff. I like this picture of the sheep herders on the bridge. Now I am not for a moment suggesting that clients are like sheep, but it addresses the whole area of leading people and how does one do that. They can be seen as sheep like, but there are other alternatives.
Like a counsellor, the man in charge of the sheep knows where they are going but how does he keep them moving. He could use an electric cattle prod and a whip and indeed some psychotherapies are like that. There are some therapies and some thrapists who do have an abusive quality about them. The problem is that they have too many negative side effects for my liking. This man however does not have that. Instead he makes noises and waves his arms to keep them moving. As a therapist I think that is what I do. Make oblique comments, ask questions, suggest contracts, self disclose, use therapeutic techniques, report feelings in the relational, report observations and so forth. None of these actually tell the client what direction to go and what to do. So we end up with the diagram 1 below. The counsellor keeps the client within certain wide boundaries but within those they go where they go.
The therapist sits behind the client making noises and thus we see the movement of the client along the path and as is shown it can be meandering. That is the nature of self discovery and again teenagers have a similar like quality as they move out into the real world for the first time. In counselling how you get to where you are going is just as important as where you are going.
If the client is permitted to self discover rather than being highly directive then what does that say to the client. The therapist is saying in his actions towards the client:
“I believe you have the ability to find your answers and I trust you to find the path that is right for you”. Without a doubt this is very good for the self esteeme. The highly directive counsellor does not believe the client is capable of finding their own way.
Diagram 1
If the counsellor is highly directive then that forces or puts pressure onto the client to respond with either Conforming Child or Rebellious Child and thus they never actually find out what they want. They may find out what they don’t want but not what they actually want. With much less direction then the client can wander in Free Child and find what is their way and what is their passion in life.
Graffiti
13:09 Permalink | Comments (53) | Email this
Comments
I think your style seems best Graffiti!
I like the line
"find what is their way and what is their passion in life."
I think that sums it up well.
Though it can be damn frustrating finding your own way and feel like you are getting nowhere at times.
But I guess someone finding their own way is the only way in the end that is effective.
Cheers
Kahless.
Posted by: kahless | Tuesday, 20 November 2007
Hi Kahless,
Having a lot to do with teenagers these days it can be frustrating watching them finding their way. You know they are not going to succeed doing certain things certain ways but they have to do it.
I am sure we can all think back of things we did that got us no where or even got us negative, but its great that we did them and they are the things that make us who we are today.
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Tuesday, 20 November 2007
Hi Tony,
Nice post Tony. I sometimes wonder how my therapist would handle my client. Guess the idea of being a client is much more fun and less responsibility, although ( personally) I prefer therapists who are more Child orientated, even though admittedly the Adult takes prescedence in TA.
I enjoy lightening a few fires in therapy though- even though what might work for me isn't everyones cup of tea.
Jack
Posted by: Jack | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Graffiti,
How does someone know what they want to do or be? How does one find a goal to move toward?
Roses
Posted by: Roses | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Absolutely Graffiti.
I have a real stubborn streak in me. It rarely gets pushed, but if it does then , boy! I will be singleminded even to my detriment. Just as well I become stubborn once in a blue moon!
G'day Roses. Great question. I suspect it is one of those that if you have an answer then bottle it and make a fortune! I await with interest. :-)
Posted by: kahless | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
I think you are right Jack,
The client can be as irresponsible as they like, but then the therapist may start lighting a few spot fires as you say.
Perhaps one could say that a very Adult oriented therapist would lack a sense of potency as a therapist
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Hi Kahless,
I will remember that about your stubborn streak! And yes it can be self defeating I agree. Perhaps your therapist should start pushing you?
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Roses you say
"How does someone know what they want to do or be? How does one find a goal to move toward?"
You feel it.
Your Free Child knows it Roses.
So ask it
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Ohh no! How do i bottle that one Kahless? Bumma!
Tony,
What if it's dead? What if i can't feel anymore? What if i don't what to be what it wants? Should i trust FC? Isn't that a bit... unstable?
ohh, don't worry...
roses
Posted by: Roses | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Kahless, thanks for wanting to know too. He answered.
Posted by: Roses | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Those are good points Roses,
Should you trust the FC?
What if another part does not want what the FC wants?
Go on Roses take the risk.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Hi Graffiti.
My stubborn streak is rare! I was more stubborn when I was younger, less so now I am older; must be mellowing with age.
I was a very good fencer when I was younger. (With a foil that is.) Apparently I had the potential to maybe go on and represent my country. I do have medals. I gave up in a fit of pique. I don’t regret it though. My reasons were valid at the time and I am not sure I have the mental sports toughness to have been successful anyway.
I think if I ‘sniffed’ that I was being pushed for a reaction, then that would engage my stubbornness though. The stubbornness would rear its head in deliberately being mellow and not stubborn, if you get what I mean. So I would be stubborn in not being stubborn!
And actually I am not sure the right take on me is ‘pushing me’ too much. Though I guess that could be argued. I can push myself and wrap myself up in loads of knots quite nicely. I am apt to the odd reaction. And I think the black cloud of depression that is hanging over me at the moment is pushing me to my limits. I have been off work, though back now on reduced hours. Hopefully the anti-d’s should be kicking in very soon, if not starting to kick in today.
Cheers
Kahless.
Posted by: kahless | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
How do you know its your FC and not another in disguise!!
Having a jest!
Kahless.
Maybe you could write a book after your studying Roses?
Posted by: kahless | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
I just don't know if i want to be a psychologist because i want to or because you are. That's all...
Posted by: roses | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Ohh my goodness kahless!
About my studies... "to apply or not to apply" not really all that big a question is it? Its just the simplest thing! Got all my stuff together, almost finished my resume, but the stamp for the envelop is just so big! I'm so laughing right now and what i've just said. I must be lying to myself or something!
Where did i go? I can't seem to find me anywhere! Like as if it's all about me anyway!!
Pardon me for just a moment or month or 2. I'm just going to go and bag my head and put it on ice in the freezer for a bit. No one will miss it (least of all me) It hasn't been working for the last 4-5 years anyway. I've got some things to do while i'm not looking.
Just like Arnie always says (loading up his machine gun)...
"'ll be back"
Posted by: roses | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
By the way, gold metal goes to Graffiti. Event - Arm waving. Catagory - Free style.
Posted by: roses | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Yo Roses
You came back.
:-)
You've posted the app right?
Cos in posting it isnt a final committment anyway and if you change your mind later down the road then you can eh? ut in not posting is kinda final.
And dont stick your head in a freezer. Its too cold in their.
Kah.
Posted by: kahless | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
I kind of like the style of counselling you write about here Graffiti. Sometimes that seems like a luxury component to working as a counsellor because a few of my clients or parents of my clients may be unsure that the counselling is working. In the area of Brief Therapies there seems to be more of a need for gentle confrontation.
If someone really wishes to change an aspect of their life that they know is causing problems but are too stubborn (rebellious) to do so I sense their passivity as well as their frustration of being stuck. I know in this situation all I can do is what you describe as your counselling style because the last thing I wish to do is keep them stuck by trying harder with them and reducing the capacity for them to use the "power is in the patient" thing.
And other clients, well the waving of arms and making noises so they see the bridge let alone they cross it might be accompanied with affective nurturing responses and white board info.
Do you think there is a difference with short or brief therapies in contrast to longer term ones Graffiti?
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Kahless says:
"The stubbornness would rear its head in deliberately being mellow and not stubborn, if you get what I mean. So I would be stubborn in not being stubborn!"
I now know that your therapist must push you!!!
You are a person full of surprises, a fencer and all.
How about a photo of some of your medals on your blog?
Take care
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
How do you know its your real FC?
You ask to many questions Kahless.
Get a good therapist and trust him, he will know.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Just go for it Roses and mail the god damn envelope!!.
Life is too short to think about posting a letter, and who am I really doing this for?.
Don't think too much like Kahless does.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Kahless is right Roses,
A cold head from the freezer sounds like a head ache to me
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Hello Kenoath,
Good point about brief and not brief therapy.
Yes I am referring here specifically to therapy that is not just solution focused and much more of the relational style.
I also do a considerable amount of the solution focussed stuff because that is what the client is asking for.
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
:-) :-)
No comment!
:-) :-)
My partner is away for a couple of days and has taken the camera with her. I will try tomorrow to take some pictures with my mobile. If not in a few days. I will comment here when I have posted them.
I even have an old photo of me in my fencing garb which I can scan into my pc. In my twenties I took my coaching badges and qualified to coach foil. Haven’t done so now for donkies years. I am too unfit now and too much pain involved to get fit.
And thinking of stubbornness, actually on thinking it does reveal itself more than I thought. For example my hair needs a cut, it is very unruly at the moment. The more my partner nags me to go to the hairdressers, the more I wont! When she quits nagging I will get it cut (though I haven’t told her that!) I just agree it needs a cut then do nothing about it!
Mmmm!
Posted by: kahless | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Oh and lmao at your other comments!!!!
**A thinking Kahless**
Posted by: kahless | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Lick that envelope Roses, and then find one of those red boxes down the street. As you shove the letter in, you might wish to say something poignant from the child part of you "doing it".
Good luck Roses, its a good feeling posting letters like that in red metal post boxes.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Do you think one can cryonically freeze their FC for a less complicated life?
I love the freezer imagery Roses, I think ones ears would go blue first and if not carefull, lips would be stuck to the ice forevermore. Just imagine walking around the place with a fridge stuck to ones lips?
I think you would be a good counsellor Roses.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Imao Kahless?
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Yes Kenoath.
Lets hope Roses finds one of those red boxes down the street.
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Why not just get your hair cut and not go through all that stuff in the first place Kahless?
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Maybe I am becoming more directive all of a sudden.
"Just get your haircut"
"Just post the god damn letter"
OMG
I am in the middle of a busy day at work though
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
My FC is on ice in the freezer right now and I can't remember how to get the door open. The wailing is really getting to me.
I am looking forward to seeing Kahless's medals.
Maybe you shouldn't get your hair cut, Kahless. :-) I wonder how it would be to let it go for longer now after having had this exchange in the comments about doing it? I bet that it looks nice both long and short, too.
Hello, Tony. People-herding sounds like the way to do it as you have described. Why am I now picturing you in a robe and sandals? Even with the shades still on? :-)
Posted by: Lynn | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Hello Lynn,
Sounds like the time to get the old FC out of the freezer and let it thaw for a while.
I like that a robe, sandals with my sunnies on!
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
I DONT WANT to get my hair cut!!!!!
:-)
Though it is kind of itchy being this long, it is good to hide behind. My fringe is as long as the end of my nose. Mind you, my mother used to say she likes my hair long. (Lynn, what have you said!)
OMG, I WANT to get my hair cut.
lmao = laughing my ass off.
Posted by: kahless | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
If I was a Jay Hayley trained therapist Kahless,
The next thing I would say to you is, "Don't cut your hair"
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Hi Graffiti and all!
On my main Kahless blog I have posted the fencing photo's.
Hope you enjoy them.
Also if you look at the post directly under it then you get to see my skill at laying stone paving!
Kahless.
Posted by: kahless | Thursday, 22 November 2007
Oh my goodness! I think the comment gobbler just gobbled my comment!
No... I haven't sent it yet, have to finish some stuff, but atleast i'm getting to it.
Thank you for your encouragement.
'Directive' looks good on you Graffiti, perhaps it's a garment for certain occasions. Hope today is being nice to you.
Ken i've seen the video where you show case you're lips. Try to keep them away from the freezer wall. They'll stick there and you won't beable to do the lip dance anymore.
Kahless, do what you want. Hair today gone tomorrow? It feels good.
Lynn, you're marvelous. Ahh, that's better, i've wanted to tell you that for the longest time. Just didn't know whether i should or not that's all. Your courage amazes me - so brave. Thank you - I so appreciate that.
Back to my resume...
roses
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 22 November 2007
Tony?
Why did you write some of your journals in another language? And why can we not access all your books and journals. I can only access 2 of your books. Umm, yes i'm getting back to it but i was just wondering - thats all
roses
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 22 November 2007
Kahless you look good in those pictures and good medals as well.
I might put a post of some of my ,medals I got in school as well!
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Thursday, 22 November 2007
And...
How did you become "Tony White - Transactional Analyst"?
roses
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 22 November 2007
Roses,
You embue me with literay skills that I unfortunately do not possess. I would like to be able to write in other languages but alas I can not. Non-english speaking journals watch over english journals and when they come accross an article they like they approach the author and request that they can transalate it and put it in their journal.
The other books are not downloadable because they are still in print.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 22 November 2007
Anyone can become a Transactional Analyst by under going the training process and passing the appropriate examinations Roses.
Cheers
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 22 November 2007
I'm applying to do my Bpsych, Bsscience (psych) or BArts (psych). Is that the same? Same as TA i mean. Is that how you did it? I like TA - it seems to make a lot of sense ... well most of the time anyway
roses
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 22 November 2007
Today is our wedding anniversary. 28 years
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 22 November 2007
"CONCLUSION
Using the contact contract and a techniqueless therapy is a 'blood and guts' type approach. It is emotionally difficult to do as one is giving their 'heart' to the interactions with the client. The possibility of burn out on the therapist's side is very real. If one begins to operate this way in their practice then it needs to be structured in carefully so that such burn out does not happen. Another important safe guard is the need for a nontherapy life. That is, contact with friends or relatives who know nothing about therapy and have little interest in it. With this approach the possibility for counter-transference issues is significantly heightened. The therapist can get a good deal of emotional contact from the client which is dangerous if they are not getting that from other sources as well."
Burnout. One doesn't have to be a therapist to end up gutted. What's that saying again? ... 'It takes one to know one'
Hazzards of too much heart i guess...
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 22 November 2007
Congratulations on your anniversary Roses. Weel done to you and hubby.
In Australia the TA qualification is an advanced diploma. In Aust it goes from top to bottom
Masters
Bachelor (eg, BA, Bpsych)
Advanced diploma
Diploma.
So in academic circles a Bpsych is one rung higher up the ladder than an Advanced Diploma.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 22 November 2007
But i don't care if it's higher or what have you - where on the ladder it is placed - i just care whether i can me a TA therapist or not. Should i be applying for Bpsych or should i be looking for something else?
This is like being caught in a sticky situation so bad that we laugh out loud cause we can't believe we've landed in it. I'm so giggling right now!
Well i guess it won't hurt to apply anyway. I don't know where else to look. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being alive. Cheers...
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 22 November 2007
Ohh my goodess! Just found you!
(I promise this will be the last one for today - I promise!)
In the WPATA website you're there in WA. (sucks when your last name starts with a 'W' doesn't it? My maiden name started with a 'W'. Last almost every time!) But guess what?? I found some - well all of our NSW crew are in Sydney. And poor Victoria is totally empty! Aww that's a bit yucky isn't it?
I found NSW - Elizabeth Crichton, Jan Grant, Rhae Hooper, Dlana Leigh, Helen Rutherford, Servaas Van Beekum. AND guess what else??? Elizabeth has just written a whole resource based learning package for Sturt University. I'm assuming that's Charles Sturt Uni in Wagga Wagga - that's the one i'm applying too!! I'm so so sooooo excited now!
Ohh my goodness, ohh my goodness - ohh ... my ... goodness.....!!
Ok, i'm leaving you alone now.
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 22 November 2007
Roses I know Libby Crichton very well, and she is good value, so it could be a good course Sturt Uni.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 22 November 2007
{{{{{{{{Tony}}}}}}}}
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Thank you for your comment. What I did might be temporary, but I think I needed to take a chance somewhere.
Posted by: Lynn | Thursday, 22 November 2007
Aw Tony,
I would love to see your medals... I hope you post them and tell us what you did to win them.
Posted by: kahless | Thursday, 22 November 2007
I wondered if your picture was going to be a temporary addition Lynn.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 22 November 2007
Hi Roses,
Forgot to congratulate you on your wedding anniversary.
...
Congratulations!
Kahless.
Posted by: kahless | Friday, 23 November 2007