Tony White

I have a friend who a few years ago was diagnosed with testicular cancer. As a result of this had one testicle removed and now is cancer free. A good friend of mine he is and he has this curious habit where from time to time he will tell testicle jokes.

If there a few of us at a pub and he spies a good looking woman on the other side of the room he may say something like:

“I would give my left nut for one night with that woman”

This is the sort of thing Aussie males say to each other when there are no women present and they have been too long in the boozer. I have always been interested in how he does that.


She seems to see the funny side of her dilemma



The other day I was supervising a trainee psychotherapist. She was reporting on a client of hers. A 16 year old girl who suffers from lymphodema. As a result of this she has fluid retention in her legs so that they are quite large and round. This of course has had a significant psychological effect on her self esteem. She may not be able to travel in a plane and feels unattractive to boys and so forth. The trainee was asking me for some counsel on how to deal with this client.

The first thing that popped into my mind was that she had legs like an elephant. So I said to my trainee, “She has big, fat, round legs so tell her she looks like elephant woman” This is a play on the title of that movie where a deformed man (John Merrick) looked like an elephant so he was called elephant man.

Well my trainee was aghast and chastized me for my callous and uncaring attitude. After surviving her scolding I managed to clarify myself. My point was, one option is to take the same solution that my testicle joke telling friend had discovered for himself. If you can have a humorous view of your problem - psychological or physical - then you have made a significant therapeutic achievement.

One thing that neuroses hate is being seen the funny side of. The neurosis will thrive in a climate where the sufferer gets down and depressed about it. Perfect conditions for the neurosis to grow and become stronger. Seeing the funny side of it disempowers the problem. Many a psychotherapist gets caught in this empowering of the problem because the therapy is always serious business and deep and meaningful and so forth.


If your clients seem to always look like this then don't give up your day job.




Of course if one wants to take this option with the client and tell her she looks like elephant woman one needs to be cautious. Of course I would not suggest you call her elephant woman straight up but would suggest that you search for a funny side to the lymphodema. The danger with this approach is that the client may feel like you are teasing her, or making fun of her and feel humiliated and shamed. If the therapist can avoid that happening then the client can progress significantly by seeing the funny side of their problem. Obsessions and eating disorders are great for this sort of approach.

Humour in the psychotherapeutic process can be a very healing thing. I know I laugh a lot with my clients. Some therapists don’t and as I said this can empower the problem which one is trying to overcome. Humour stimulates the Free Child. It’s hard to be neurotic and be in Free Child at the same time. Humour puts one in the here and now and it is hard to be there and be neurotic at the same time.


Free Child in the here and now



This does not mean you don’t take the problem seriously. All it means is that you can laugh about your imperfections from time to time.

Graffiti