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Wednesday, 07 May 2008
It shouldn’t be working but it is
I have been counselling a female client for about 6 weeks. From the moment I first met her I did not like her much and I still feel the same about her. It’s not a really big dislike such that I can not be in the same room as her but she is just not my kind of person. I have never suggested that she make another appointment to see me but at the end of each session she asks and I have agreed. If she didn’t ask for another appointment I would feel glad. When I look at my client list for the day and see her name I am certainly not uplifted at the prospect of meeting with her.
I find her to have a ‘sleazy’ quality. I didn’t know women could be sleazy but that is the feeling I get. She has quite bitchy relationships with her female friends. Whilst she reports being unfairly on the receiving end of their bitchiness I am quite sure that she gives out as good as she gets in that department. She has a nasty quality about her. I don’t mind people who are angry but when the anger gets nasty and they go out of their way to actively besmirch the character of a another person I don’t like that. She can also be a bully and whilst she is not abusive to her 10 year old son he will be in counselling in 20 years time for sure.
I don’t believe half of the things she tells me and the following a is typical example. Last week she asked for an appointment on Tuesday, but there were no places available so she took a time on Wednesday. Come Tuesday morning I get a phone call from her and the following conversation takes place:
Client: I was just wanting to confirm what my time is today.
Me: You don’t have an appointment for today, its tomorrow.
Client: Oh! I didn’t realise that. (Bit of silence) What time is it tomorrow?
Me: 2pm
Client: Oh! (Bit of silence) Do you have any times free today?
Me: No I don’t
Client: See you tomorrow then.
She lies. I don’t believe for a moment that she got the days wrong. She didn’t like the fact that I did not rearrange my schedule to fit in with her or make an extra appointment at the end of the day, so she tried it on this way.
So that is the deal. Not my kind of person. However, I don’t dislike her that much so as to never see her again. My chosen profession is as a counsellor so I see her and make a buck to support my kids and myself. In my mind it is a business transaction.
How some people hide.
However, over the six sessions she has done very good work, better than most. Her childhood was far from good and she really has taken on her demons with a strength of character that you don’t usually see. Her Child ego state is quite excluded and her main method of survival was to emotionally withdraw from people and relationships so as to avoid further hurt and rejection. She trusts others very little. The degree to which she challenges herself and makes redecisions is more adventuresome than most. Whilst I admire this I still don’t like her much.
The problem is that our therapeutic relationship is almost completely dysfunctional. I don’t like her, I don’t trust her, I have little empathy for her, and as far as being attuned with her there is virtually none!
The therapy should have ended up like this.
But she has done great therapeutic work and continues to do so.
It shouldn’t be working but it is.
Graffiti
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