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Friday, 09 May 2008
Juxtaposition of psychotherapy
This post is a work in progress and will evolve over a period of time.
In the workshop last Tuesday where we discussed aspects of the week long workshop of a few weeks ago (if that makes any sense) we covered the juxtaposition of psychotherapy which is:
When you give the client what they want, then they hurt.
The quote below is from:
“The paradoxical theory of change”, A.R. Beisser. In Gestalt Therapy Now. 1970. (eds.) Fagan, J. & Shepherd, I. L. Penguin Books: Victoria.
“...change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not. Change does not take place through a coercive attempt by the individual or by another person to change him, but it does take place if one takes the time and effort to be what he is - to be fully invested in his current positions. By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible.
The Gestalt therapist rejects the role of ‘changer’, for his strategy is to encourage, even insist, that the patient be where he is and what he is. He believes change does not take place by ‘trying’, coercion, or persuasion, or by insight, interpretation. or any other such means. Rather, change can occur when the patient abandons, at least for the moment, what he would like to become and attempts to be who he is.” (P88)
This is what I like about the pro-ana movement as they are doing precisely this. These girls and young women have for decades been bombarded with huge volumes of medical and psychological information which relentlessly tells them how sick, maladjusted, deviant and attention seeking they are. The media also regularly tells the world that these people are sickos. Finally some stand up and say, I do starve myself and that is my choice and I am OK. I accept that part of me.
My Lebanese friend and fellow blogger Nikita once wrote on her blog:
“Most women set out to try to change a man,
and when they have changed him they do not like him”.
Marlene Dietrich
Then I wrote:
Not only do I like Marlene Dietrich, I like the meaning of the comment. I would even take out the gender distinction and then it becomes my quote!
Most people set out to try and change others,
and when they have changed them they do not like them.
From what I have seen of life it is so true. The best thing that a psychotherapist can ever hear from a client is the statement:
“I am comfortable being who I am”.
This is not a person who has it altogether and has discarded all neuroses. This is the person who has accepted who they are. The good bits and the other bits that others don’t like. (Such as one’s neuroses.)
This is where the second part of the quote comes in. From what I have seen if you can resist the pressure to be something other than what you are, then you become more ‘complete’ or just comfortable with self. Then you usually become more appealing to others. That is - the more people will like you if you stop changing to the wants of other people.
If that makes sense.
But
Not an easy thing to do. To accept the parts of yourself which you find repulsive or 'bad' can be a very difficult thing to do. To accept those parts that you have spent 20 years hiding from is by no means an easy task.
Graffiti
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