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Saturday, 19 July 2008
Self disclosure
Roses states:
“I think it's funny how you don't disclose a lot. Actually, i'm the same.”
Graffiti responds:
My level of self disclosure Roses?
In the past have been told that I am a bit of a closed book. So I do agree with that as there are some areas that I am very private about.
But
In other ways I am not at all. I have stated openly on this blog about my life script and how I am like Eeyore and Popov the clown. Indeed in some areas I would say that I am quite exhibitionistic. Hey, I am a bit narcissistic so I have to be!
At a week long workshop recently there were some people there who were my clients, trainees and colleagues. I got up and did a piece of personal work (as the client) in front of them. I spoke in depth about my early relationship with my mother, her personal demons and how that impacted on me as a child and so forth. So I have no problem with that and that is very disclosing of self.
I always find it entertaining when therapists and trainers say they would never do a piece of their own personal work in front of their clients or trainees as it would damage them and traumatize them. When that is not the real reason at all. They just feel insecure about showing self like that in front of the client. Their perfect persona may come crashing down. Which is OK for them not to self disclose in such a way if they do not want to, but it is just funny how they give a fake reason for doing so.
Since that workshop I have asked my clients and trainees what was their reaction to seeing me do that. All of them (so far at least) have said that they admired me for doing so and indeed it has helped them therapeutically and they see me as more real now. Certainly no one has been traumatized by it.
Keeping up appearances
Graffiti
11:25 Permalink | Comments (11) | Email this
Comments
I think you just answered the questions i was just asking on the last post... Thank you Tony.
This is a lovely post.
I want to come back and check out the pictures. My puter is having problems opening them.
This is a really lovely post Tony.
Posted by: roses | Saturday, 19 July 2008
Thank you for your kind comments Roses.
And what you have said is typical of the responses I have had from those who saw me do my piece of personal work. They are empathetic and kind and life carries on.
Cheers
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 19 July 2008
I think it does help the client to see their therapist as being human and some self disclosure is good. We are being taught that it is alright to self disclose but it has to be brief and the emphasis is still on the client. What you are talking about is a different situation altogether. You are not actually in the therapeutic session with the client and self disclosing to the point where the client's issue's are forgotten. I think it's great that you got up there and did some personal work.
Cheers..........Kazza
Posted by: KazzaB | Saturday, 19 July 2008
yeah, setting and timing is crucial
but i can see how it would definitely be helpful
there is so much we can all learn from each other
really enjoying your blog---glad to see an update, i was starting to jones hahaha
Posted by: April | Saturday, 19 July 2008
Ack. Modeling process, disclosure, and all that stuff...how could it be bad??? I hate the closed off, "be a blank screen" view.
My best therapist OFTEN would talk about a similar/metaphorical situation in her life (not, of course, to get her needs met), and it was tremendously helpful, both in creating the intimacy and trust necessary, breaking distance, and modeling how people can change.
Posted by: sara | Saturday, 19 July 2008
Hello KazzaB,
Thank you for your encouraging words. And I agree with what they are teaching you at uni about therapist self disclosure. The way I would probably word it is if the therapist is going to self disclose to a client what is their motive for doing so.
Sometimes I have clients who say that I ask all the questions and never talk about myself. So I say to them to ask me a question which they do and then I answer it. After I have been talking about 30 seconds they are back to talking about themselves again and never raise the point again.
tony
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 19 July 2008
Glad you like my blog April, I go and see the updates on yours as well, you seem to live in a very picturesque part of the world.
Not too sure about what the "jones" mean, must be an american phrase.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 19 July 2008
Hi Sara,
The 'blank screen" idea for therapists tends to be not so much these days, especially now the idea of the relational is the 'thing'. They say that for the client to emotionally change the therapist has to also, which in my view does have some merit to it.
Cheers
tony
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 19 July 2008
jones: An obsession; a burning desire. The undeniable passion or love for someone or something.
in a totally internet platonic way, of course haha
Posted by: April | Sunday, 20 July 2008
Well you live and learn April.
I have never heard that terminology of 'jones' before.
Throws the a new light on the saying, "Keeping up with the joneses"
Cheers
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 20 July 2008
Tony,
Hearing people explain what to do and how to do it - reading instructions of what to do and how to do it - having someone go through what to do and how to do it with you - it's all learning isn't it?. But to watch someone who has told, given you instructions to read, and is willing to go through what to do and how to do it with you - actually doing it, well, it would just make the process make sense or something. It would make it all not so frightening or huge a concept I think.
Have you heard of the saying... "those who can't DO - teach"? It's a bit hard hitting and mean for teachers and though it could be true in a certain amount of cases (there are deceivers everywhere it would seem) it really isn't true mostly. If i were to watch someone go through a process that they're training me to do, it would be like a breath of fresh air and i wouldn't be quite so afraid to try it myself - i think anyway.
AND
If ever I were to be your client, you would do most of the talking. Or we'd just sit there enjoying your new piece of graffiti in silence.
roses
Posted by: roses | Sunday, 20 July 2008