Tony White

I was listening to the radio today at about 5pm. At that time of day people are going home and they often have two DJ’s who in between songs will ad lib, make comment and do all round good repartee.

Today two were discussing this atom smasher machine that has fascinated the world recently. As we know it includes a circular tunnel that is deep underground and they shoot the atoms around this and smash them together. People have been worried about this and have thought that if they do smash atoms then that may precipitate a black hole that destroys the earth. The ‘end is nigh’ as they say but it has not happened yet.

Part of the tunnel apparently goes under France and one of these DJ’s commented that if they smashed atoms under the France bit and it caused a black hole that sucked in France would anyone really care!



What is it about those French?

My mother reports attending a world psychology congress in the mid 1960s. At this congress famous French psychologist Jean Piaget was giving the opening address at the conference. This usually takes about 10 minutes and there is like 2000 participants sitting in the main auditorium. Piaget speaks in French and so many of the audience were wearing earphones that would be connected to translators who would then translate for them so they could understand his address.

Piaget gets up to give his address and he starts with, “Anyone of any intellect would obviously speak French”. He then pulled out the microphone connection to the translators so they could not translate to the audience and he proceeded to address the audience in French.

So I suppose it is c’est la vie, or in the words of the great man himself, Benny Cousin’s, “Such is life”


The great man



Anyway back to the atom smasher. Isn’t that a great sounding name for a machine - an atom smasher!!

It sounds so...... well,..... potent!

If there was ever one thing an Aussie man would want in his back shed it would be an atom smasher. Wouldn’t that just be great to have one of those. The backyard shed is the last fortification of Aussie men’s maleness. What more could one want than on a lazy Saturday afternoon to say to the missus, “Hey darl, I’m just going down the shed to tinker with the atom smasher”.


Now this is a good back shed.



An Aussie man’s back shed is full or all sorts of male type things. Saws, hammers, drills, cement, lathes, angle grinders and so forth. Things which make lots of noise and dust when you use them. Again reassuring us of our manliness. Then of course there is the topless girlie calendar hanging on the wall that is from 1989. But that doesn’t matter it still takes pride of place in the back shed.

But to have and atom smasher in the back shed, now that would really be something and make you the envy of all your peers. They just could not resist coming over and having a look and you just could not resist showing it off.


This is a very bad back shed! Pleeeeze, flowers and a watering can!!! I think not!!



So you organise for some buddies to come over on a Friday night and you put on an 18 gallon keg of beer. Once everyone is boozed and things start to get a bit ugly you decide to crank up the atom smasher. So with all watching very closely you switch her on and let it rip.

You are either going to get the best light show ever or at worst get a black hole that swallows up all matter and time in the universe, But what a way to go and to have all matter and time end in my back shed would be perfection. Such is the Aussie male psyche.

Graffiti