Sunday, 26 October 2008
The tragic psychotherapist
Life’s not all beer and skittles for a psychotherapist I can reassure you. Who ever thought that one up - “beer and skittles”!
When I began as a psychotherapist I was 22 years old. That used to make me wonder at times, like when I was counselling people about their marriages and here am I all of 22 years old. Very few people actually mentioned it to me - about my age and my job that is. A couple did but mostly not. Obviously at age 22 one has limited life experience and in the counselling business life experience can be a help.
However the clients kept coming, so I kept counselling and it hasn’t stopped since. What was I supposed to do? I had the basic training and the supervision in place. Was I meant to stop and not do any counselling until I was 30 years old? So it’s not easy for the young psychotherapist in that way. There are those beer and skittles again.
In the state where I live to become a psychologist you have to do a psychology degree at university and then you have to be supervised by an accredited psychologist for two years whilst you work. Then you can get registration as a psychologist your self.
At the moment I am supervising two people who are actually very similar by coincidence. They are females in their mid twenties and they work in the same area of rehabilitation. Their clients are quite ‘low functioning’ as they say. They are not bad enough intellectually or with a mental illness to be fully looked after by the state but they really do struggle living from day to day. They are kind of caught in the middle which is unfortunate.
Well in my supervision of these two people’s counselling of their clients I have been a bit surprised at how often the client’s come on to them or make suggestive comments. Asked out on dates, told how pretty they look have a knee or shoulder touched and so forth. They kind of just have to live with it because the clientele don’t really know any better. There are those beer and skittles again.
Of course being a male I never had that similar experience. Female clients are less demonstrative in that way it seems fair to say. However as was mentioned in the previous post female clients can have an erotic transference to a male therapist just like male clients can to a female therapist as with my two supervisees.
Over the years I have had female clients raise such feelings and issues with me but I would not say that they have been as obviously solicitous as my two supervisees are experiencing. Some have been quite flirtatious but never as direct as the male clients cited before. However we now get back to the point where female clients may be happily married and yet they can fall in love with another person (a therapist). They can be in love with two people at the same time.
Whilst it might be wonderful for the psychotherapist’s ego to be fronted with these people who are in love with them unfortunately that is not the case. A client does not fall in love with me they fall in love with what I represent. They fall in love with what they have projected onto me and not actually with me, which brings the ego back down to earth a bit. Yes you guessed it, beer and skittles again.
Finally of course many psychotherapist’s have partners of some kind and it certainly is no beer and skittles for them I can safely say. What would you feel knowing that your partner is going off to work and will be dealing day in and day out with some clients who are in love with them, have sexual feelings for them and maybe even have fantasies about them? Not uncommonly a partner can at times have some difficulty with this particularly if they are little bit insecure in that way themselves. The psychotherapist needs to deal with these issues with great care so as to not cause trouble on their own domestic front. Bloody beer and skittles again.
Come to think of it, I need a beer after all of this!
Graffiti
18:17 Permalink | Comments (19) | Email this
Comments
Thomas Hughes' Tom Brown's Schooldays, 1857:
"Life isn't all beer and skittles."
Beer and skittles refers to a life of indulgence spent in the pub.
I love it Tony Grafitti. Its got that 'such is life quality' about it.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Sunday, 26 October 2008
Well said Tony, being a therapist is like walking a treacly tightrope in roller skates.
Erotic transference, transference, counter transference, professional boundaries, cofidentiality and the resulting isolation and the impact on personal relationships can be a lot to carry.
That's why I belly dance lol!!! Although generally not in front of clients as this can open up a whole new can of worms.
Posted by: Hullaballoo | Sunday, 26 October 2008
This happened to me a few times. It is extremely awkward. But even worse is when their mothers do it.
But oddly, it seems like it's the higher functioning ones you get it from in my field. The rich, successful, entitled ones (high tech moguls, political power people) with some narcissistic lines (I'm using the term totally NOT professionally) feel free to go ahead and proposition. It's like in a way, to them, I work for them. I'm another secretary or menial person who supposedly can't resist their charms. It is disgusting. I'd like your take on that, Tony.
The lower functioning ones are nice and sometimes very idolizing, but less likely to be outright inappropriate. They sort of see me as more of an authority figure, I think.
Posted by: myalterego | Monday, 27 October 2008
Maybe better love than hate?
Posted by: Kahless | Monday, 27 October 2008
One of my long list of partners was a massuese. I was with her for 5 years or so. Her practice was in the affluent suburb and she established some very good clients and connections over 15 years. She often said that it was the woman clients who propositioned her. It was a common occurrence being propositioned it seemed. I wasnt concerned about that in the least.
I am not sure whether the psychotherapist is such a blank screen and when you say "the client is in love with what I represent" There is "something" about the therapist (I am not saying you) that gives them that invitation to "love".
Perhaps somehow unconsciously 'fitting' in with the transferences and finding a comfortable place to begin the work which involves those transferences.
Elvis presley had a look about him, he had an overt charismatic appeal. Perhaps there are other useful relational forces less overt for some therapists. Hidden but sensed by the client who then begins to seek them out. Perhaps there are useful and subtle countertransferences (charisma for lack of another word) that work well with Potency, permissions and protections. Shades of a very creative and positive Lilith influence.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Monday, 27 October 2008
If a very young girl or boy can fall in love with an elderly teacher - then anything is possible i suppose.
Elvis Ken?
Hmm, just not my cup of tea. Just a little too much show-man-ship i think. Not to mention the shiny plastic hair.
I understand something though Tony - well i think i do. I'm a man/woman type person. So i married a man... well, umm... because i'm a woman. But i have been in some very close relationships with women. Like... VERY close and when you said that a man and a woman can be friends then... yes it works in the same way. When i'm with a woman.. i just don't go there. I don't even know when I know to not go there - somehow when that time comes - i just don't go there.
I have to say Tony... i'm really feeling a bit strange saying this.
So when that happens with a man - I just don't go there just the same as when it happens with a woman? Is that what you're saying? Cause it's weird preprogrammed stuff i'm talking about. I don't know how i learned it but i did and that's the way of it.
I asked my hubby does he ever fall in love with other people last night and he kind of got all funny and awkward and stuff so he volleyed it back to me to answer. I said i think i do, all the time and with both men and women. Then i explained how some women/women friendships can be very personal and intimately close and went on to explain how i revolt against being close and personal with a man. I guess it's protection? I've been frightened before and i have learned my lesson - i will not go there ever ever again. I want to live.
Could it be that when ever closeness of an intimate kind (real friendships) get personal and intense, our emotions over load and feelings - internal and external - can get confusing?
Yeah - yet another rave by roses. Supernatural's on tonight! Yay!!
Posted by: roses | Monday, 27 October 2008
I don't like beer and i don't love skittles either. The nearest i can get to that one is... ginger beer and carrot sticks + french onion dip?
Actually my fave is Pineapple juice + mangos! Oh my goodness - dream come true! Yeah - i'm a fruit head.
Posted by: roses | Monday, 27 October 2008
Hello Kenoath,
Good to hear that Tom was into Beer and skittles.
Sounds like you must have feel secure in your relationship with your massaging friend.
My view on it is if a client idealizes a therapist as many clients do to varying degrees then the client is not seeing you for who you really are. Thus any love or hate as Kahless puts it is not being felt towards the 'real' person whom the therapist is
cheers
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Monday, 27 October 2008
Hello Hullaballoo,
Good of you to drop by. I agree that the helper in the working relationship can be a difficult role to take.
I liked your belly dancing blog post. You will have to do us a YouTube to see you in action
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Monday, 27 October 2008
Hi myalterego,
Not too sure what you mean when you say it is even worse when their mothers do it.
In my private practice of course I usually only get to see the higher functioning people and I agree with your observations. Narcissism is such a wonderful thing!
Also not too sure what you are wanting my take on?
Cheers
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Monday, 27 October 2008
I guess what I am saying Grafitti is that sometimes when two people meet there can be an uncanny connection, like for example "love or hate" at first sight. There are some counsellors that clients perhaps do not make any such initial connections to and some that do. I always thought it was strange when in another career people would say that I looked trustworthy. They had only known me for ten minutes.
Perhaps I am entering into the do do-dodo world of "would you believe"
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Monday, 27 October 2008
So... this is a psychology blog? I have a question sir! Hope you can see my hand in the air - "Ohh! Ohh SIR!!"
What's the difference between a psychologist and a psychoanalyst? I read in Berne's "Games people play" that something-or-other had been studied (or something) by physiologists, psychologists and psychoanalysts. I can imagine the difference in the physiologists and the psych ones. But I'm a tad confused about both the psych ones. I thought they were the same.
By the way. What a lovely day! Have you noticed yet?
roses
Posted by: roses | Wednesday, 29 October 2008
I've enjoyed browsing your blog, thought provoking...indeed.
Posted by: Genevieve | Thursday, 30 October 2008
Hello Genevieve,
Glad you liked the read.
Your blog looks interesting as well
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 30 October 2008
Hi Roses.
I like kiwi friut so I might have some for breakfast tomorrow
Psychology and psychoanalysis?
Psychology is the scientific study of the psyche or human mind.
Psychoanalysis is a subset of that just like Transactional analysis, gestalt, CBT, primal therapy and so forth. Psychoanalysis is a bit unusual in that it was developed by Freud and thus was kind of the first bit of psychology, but it is now just one of many approaches that are included in psychology nowadays.
So a psychologist is a person who is a student of the study of the human mind. A psychoanalyst is a person who is using the psychoanalytic approach to psychology.
graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 30 October 2008
Thanks Tony, stop by anytime~
G
Posted by: Genevieve | Friday, 31 October 2008
Genevieve? Is that your art? It's wonderful!
Posted by: roses | Friday, 31 October 2008
1. "Their mothers do it..." ie proposition me for their sons.
2. Your take on people who see everyone as their employees... the wealthy and powerful men who treat their doctor basically the same way as their prostitutes.
Posted by: myalterego | Saturday, 01 November 2008
Hello myaltergo,
Maybe its a compliment if their mothers do that
If such men view you that way then maybe don't take it personally. Its simply their projection onto you and their transference and thus they just continue to live out their life script which is sad for them but c'est la vie.
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Sunday, 02 November 2008
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