Wednesday, 29 October 2008
Stress leave
I think I need to take some stress leave. Over the past two months I have been doing other sorts of work that involves very intense thinking, writing and the construction of reports.
The other day when I got off my computer from some hours of such writing I was all sort of disoriented as I had been concentrating so hard for so long and hadn’t even realised it. Then later I was at the shops looking for a new front door mat and all of a sudden I felt light headed and like I was going to faint. That just does not happen to me.
Me as a teenager. I remember that look. At times a troubled young man.
Throughout my life I have always had the propensity to over work and have a few times almost collapsed from it. I remember once very early on in my career waking up at my desk where I had been writing. It was about 8pm and I had fallen asleep with my head in my open note pad on the desk.
It does not come from being driven to work like it does for many others. I don’t have to work really hard to feel OK about myself or to prove that I should exist, or because of some parental driver.
Its more that I forget to judge or perhaps listen to my Free Child. I don’t realise that I am getting exhausted because I don’t listen to it. It is a sort of disconnection from the self or the Child part that is getting exhausted. Its a bit like my dissociation that I felt in my adolescence.
The disconnection with the world (and me) that I felt.
I can look at the amount of work I am doing from my Adult and make an assessment based on the facts. I know if a client told me how much they were working (like me) and the symptoms that were beginning to form (like me) then I would easily diagnose over work. But for me I feel there is something different. That it some how does not really apply to me. Perhaps it is a bit of the specialness of narcissism, that for me it is somehow different.
Me with my mother in 1981. The look of hers is typical. I was the apple of her eye. I could do no wrong and the world was mine I was shown by her. Specialness.
But of course in the long run the same rules apply to me as everyone else.
Graffiti
20:03 Permalink | Comments (17) | Email this
Comments
I' ll be back tonight but just wanted to give my cyberfriend a cyberhug,
For you as you and for your honesty.
((((Tony))))
Posted by: kahless | Wednesday, 29 October 2008
Oh and if you don't take good care of yourself by taking some time out then you'll have me to deal with!!!
;-)
Posted by: kahless | Wednesday, 29 October 2008
Sorry to hear that Tony. Perhaps some time off would be good for you. We all need that at some time, especially counsellors. I am glad you have written about your experience here otherwise we would not know about that.
If you did have some time off, what would your free child like to do?
all the best and hugs too
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Wednesday, 29 October 2008
You could come to Oxford and visit me !! How much trouble do you think we could get into here?? Take care of yourself, mate.
Posted by: gezunda | Thursday, 30 October 2008
Tony,
I have come back as I have had the time to fully absorb your post outside of the quick peek on my mobile I had earlier, in between meetings.
To my earlier comment I just wanted to add that indeed, not only is it apparent that your mother loved you very very much. But also that you loved her very much indeed.
Kahless.
Xxxx.
Posted by: kahless | Thursday, 30 October 2008
hi from India,
I heardr ecently here in india a plane from jaipur to bombay was set on auto pilot and both pilots dozed off.the plane misflew towards goa and it was a great controversy.
over work can cause errors.
happy leave.
shruti
Posted by: Shruti | Thursday, 30 October 2008
You must really like what you do. It's nice when it's like that. Well, i think it's nice.
If you don't make the effort of getting away from it somehow, then it just won't happen and you matter. Really, you matter. Before your brain shrivels up and pops out one of your nostrils, could you please have a very tall glass of water somewhere far away from where you obviously love to be?
It doesn't even have to be far away from your office but there will have to be somekind of contract (promise). Your mind can go berserk over all the things you love to think about and you can think about them while walking along a lovely beach or sitting back in a lazy chair sipping on a snazzy looking drink with a slice of Kiwi fruit on the side of the glass and a green umbrella poking your brain back up into your head every time you take a sip.
Ohh, watch out for nose bleeds.
You matter. Please take care of you.
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 30 October 2008
I'm a bit worried. Please take care of yourself. Remember you. Don't forget you. I really don't want to have to.
TONY!!
FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!
GO TO BED OR SOMETHING!!
(((((tony)))))... please...
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 30 October 2008
Are you asleep yet?
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 30 October 2008
Ohh good. Nite nite...
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 30 October 2008
I like those Pilots Shruti. They just flew right past. I know it is a serious matter, however goes to highlight the free childs needs are greater than the parent and adult in some situations. I guess that is why torture and sleep deprivation is so effective.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Thursday, 30 October 2008
Hi Kahless,
Thanks for your comments
My mother and I, I think had a special connection. For what ever reason her personality and mine clicked in a way that my two siblings did not.
That is not to say that she and them did not have a good attachment as I think they did. But we did get on in that way
tony
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 30 October 2008
Hi Gez,
Good to see you are getting some stress leave over in the UK. I am sure it is going well and that you are having a grand time as Wallace and Gromit would say.
Cheers
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Thursday, 30 October 2008
Hello Shruti,
As a passenger one would be a bit miffed. Flying to one city and you end up in another. Its like going into an operation on your arm and you come out with a new foot.
Well maybe not that bad but you know what I mean
best
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 30 October 2008
I have heard a few tales of Psychiatrists falling asleep in sessions with some clients. Least that is not at 35,000 feet.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Friday, 31 October 2008
Wow Kenoath...
That certainly would not be therapeutic in the least!
Can you just imagine what complexes you could get from that?
Youre up early btw... Hope you are ok.
Posted by: Kahless | Friday, 31 October 2008
I understand more than you can know, Tony. And I'm so glad you have the skills to recognize what is going on and so prevent yourself from some sort of breakdown. Take good care of yourself, my friend. And give that little boy a hug.
Lynn
Posted by: Lynntaketwo | Friday, 31 October 2008
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