Friday, 26 December 2008
Attachment hunger
Humans have what is known as an attachment hunger . That is we all have a biological, psychological and social hunger for an attachment to a mother [father] figure. Without it in infancy there is a swift decline in our mental and physical health eventually leading to a state of marasmus or 'hospitalism'. This hunger persists throughout our entire lives.
However from adolescence onwards, peer attachments allow the childhood need for a parental attachment to decrease. Thus there is more variety in the type of attachments in adolescence and adulthood. However without at least one firm and secure attachment in adulthood there is also mental and physical decline. This is primarily exhibited by withdrawal behaviour and the various problems associated with that. Most notably the schizoid personality type demonstrates these difficulties. In addition, it is noted that the psychopathic personality is also typified by the lack of the formation of social bonds.
Attachment hunger comes into play at about 5 to 7 months of age. Prior to that time there are indiscriminant attachments. The infant does not discriminate between who is feeding her, changing her or holding her. As a result some call this phase the stage of primary narcissism. At about 6 to 8 months the child develops specific attachments - the object period. The child will develop an attachment to one primary person, most often mother. At this time the child shows a fear of strangers and of being left by the primary object.
With narcissism one does not realize others are missing
If the specific attachment phase proceeds well, after a few more months the child will show a broadening of attachments. First to one other person and then to several others. By 18 months most children have an attachment to several people, with some research showing that only 13 percent of 18 month old children are still exclusively attached to one figure.
It should be noted that these two phases: of the attachment to one figure only, followed by the broadening of attachments to a variety of others may be culture specific. In monomatric families there is a tendency for the child to initially form a single all exclusive attachment to one figure. However in polymatric families, where the care of the child is shared around, this initial single all exclusive attachment is less observable. Whatever the specifics are the child will begin forming attachments around 5 to 8 months of age and there will be a broadening of them over time.
Supermario wallpaper
This is not meant to discard the notion of stimulation hunger or the craving for strokes, recognition and sensory stimulation. The research clearly the human need for stimulation. Stimulation and attachment are in many respects necessary for each others existence. For example it seems impossible that two people could become attached without any stimulation. That is physical and/or non-physical strokes, occurring between them.
Stimulation hunger in part allows the attachment hunger to be satisfied. For attachment to occur there must be stimulation or strokes occurring between the two parties. However that is not enough in itself for attachment to occur. There needs to be other conditions met. First there needs to be a consistency of the person providing the strokes. The few primary parent figures need to be there consistently and stimulating consistently. Second the person providing the strokes needs to be giving something of their own Child ego state to the relationship. A parent who mechanically and disinterestedly gave physical strokes to a child would of course hamper the attachment process. Attachment is a two way process.
The literature notes that one of the most important features for attachment to occur is the, "...readiness with which an individual is prepared to respond to the infant's signals and his general willingness to engage in playful interaction". In transactional analysis terms the parenting figure must be willing to invest his own Child ego state into the interactions with the infant. Both sides need to attach.
Graffiti
13:28 Permalink | Comments (43) | Email this | Tags: attachment, counselling, psychology, child development
Comments
So... is that when we feel lonely? It makes the brain stop working properly, have to think through a thick fog, memory goes down the tube, and sad feelings happen for no reason? Is that what it is?
roses
Posted by: roses | Friday, 26 December 2008
Yeah.. i'm feeling a bit out of sorts today Tony. I've been the biggest whinger at hubby, and it's not his fault. I'm sad. No reason - just because i can. I'm going to bed and hopefully sleep it off.
Catch you in the AM... roses
Posted by: roses | Friday, 26 December 2008
That is a good question Roses about attachment and loneliness.
I think one would say that it includes loneliness but much more if one has no attachments at all. One can live with loneliness but one cannot live without attachment for any length of time.
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Friday, 26 December 2008
It is really interesting the whole concept of attachment. I've been told that when I was a baby I would only go to two people, my Mum and my Nanna. Anyone else so much as looked at me, I screamed. I'm not sure if this went on thru the toddler stage as well or not.
What I find interesting is that my Mum had a car accident when I was due to be born. She rolled the car after my brother grabbed the steering wheel. I still had to be induced two weeks later but I've always wondered how that affected me as a baby. Did I get a huge surge of adrenalin from Mum and that's why I was a baby who was so jittery? It's interesting to think of how a baby in the womb would try to make sense of something like that because at that stage of development, everything is set to go. How would that affect attachment?
I always have a picture in my mind of me hanging on to the umbilical chord and saying, no way am I going out there if that's what it's like!! LOL
Posted by: KazzaB | Saturday, 27 December 2008
That sounds like a good picture in your mind KazzaB!
I'm not sure what the research is on the psychological effects on a persons personality due to factors occurring whilst in utero.
But it does sound like you were quite exclusive as a baby in who you would accept as an attachment figure. I wonder if that has been the case through out your life
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 27 December 2008
An informative piece on attachment Grafitti. The pictures and the comments seem to contain the bits where you invest your child expression as far as blogosphere attachments go.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Saturday, 27 December 2008
Hello to you Kenoath,
Yes they are a nice collection of graphics for this post.
I would love to have supermario wall paper in my house!
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Saturday, 27 December 2008
I think its pretty sick wallpaper Grafitti. Sorry, its not what I would paste on my walls at home. I never formed a fantasy attachment with Mario. :(
I would prefer natural stone in my walls and maybe white - blank spaces with the odd picture. My place of work however resembles a fun-nursery room with Big Red, lots of colourful cushions and some grafitti tags on the pin up board. Thats work though.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Saturday, 27 December 2008
Yes Kenoath,
Maybe I could restrict such wall papering to one room and that natural stone sounds good.
How is big red these days?. How about a photo of him/her on your blog
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Saturday, 27 December 2008
Big Red is very good thanks Grafitti. He survived a stabbing and several police taser probes earlier this year. He has some grafitti on him now too. Where it says on the top "No Pain No Gain" (in the sportsman training philosophy) he now has a velcro strip and a smiling face.
One client wanted to take him home for christmas this year. Even Big Red has his boundaries.
Kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Saturday, 27 December 2008
Tony, you said, "One can live with loneliness but one cannot live without attachment for any length of time."
So... is that where magical thinking enters our lives? Is that how we would survive a lack of attachment? It would help a great deal with the loneliness that is involved too wouldn't it?
Imagining friends that no one else can see for some reason or pets or inanimate object attachments? Or does that just happen because of safety issues?
I'm asking because i have a pretty big imagination.
I remember my family telling me that when i was born, my dad was always away working and my mum had to take care of the home, farm, other kids... pretty much everything. So after my brother and sister on their way to school and i was fed, i'd go to bed for hours every day. Mum said that when she got back, i would be quiet and happy. Then she would go into town and take the milk to the factory and do all the stuff there and come back and i would still be in my cot quiet and happy. She must have come back every now and again to feed me. I can't imagine how that happened.
I wonder how she coped when 4 years later she had my little sister.
I can't imagine how she did it. I'm glad i survived though. She would have had to do the chooks, wood for the fire to cook and boil the water (in the copper) for the washing and baths etc.
People were amazing back then weren't they? I so appreciate them. Amazing people my mum and dad.
But is that what you mean by magical thinking - you know - like when you talk about it?
Posted by: roses | Saturday, 27 December 2008
It sounds like Big Red has lead a full life indeed Kenoath,
With much more to come
Cheers
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 28 December 2008
I think you make some good points Roses,
At the moment you have mentioned loneliness and stroke deprivation. Two things of course which are part of relationships or at least can be.
I would see these as a subset of attachment but not attachment. Going back to the original understanding of attachment.
When you have developed an attachment with someone then you will display attachment seeking behavior. That is you will have a urge, desire, need to seek out and maintain geographical proximity to the other. Some times that urge can be very strong indeed and as I always say never underestimate the power of human attachment (or even dog attachment).
You know like when you read those stories of the dog owner who has been dead for a week and the dog has stayed by the dead owners side for all that time starving to death them self.
So in attachment the other person forms part of your own identity or understanding of who you are. Much more than stroke deprivation or loneliness. Through the connection with the other you become who you are at least in part and thus we have one reason for its great importance to humans.
In this electronic age people can communicate easily without actually meeting. In the usual understanding of attachment these people do not have an attachment or it would be considered a weak attachment. They do not seek out the geographical proximity to the other because their sense of self is not intertwined with the other.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Kenoath,
I am dead interested to see a piccie of Big Red...
would you post one please?
Kahless.
Posted by: Kahless | Sunday, 28 December 2008
I am with Kahless kenoath,
Give us a view of Big Red.
I know you have one of Big Red in your car
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Sunday, 28 December 2008
I must say I do find the message
"no pain no gain" an interesting one.
One I cant make my mind up on.
The kind of phrase a few years back I would have said to myself. With others like "dream the impossible dream, fight the unbeatable foe"
But then someone said to me
"why do you have to have pain for gain?"
"why would you fight an unbeatable foe"
so these days I am left just pondering in circles such statements lol!!! With no bloody answer! And I do like my answers!
Posted by: Kahless | Sunday, 28 December 2008
But then again not everything has an answer lol!
But then again, I used to like the phrase "every problem contains its own solution"
Posted by: Kahless | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Hi Kahless,
Oh my Kahless you are being most profound today, good to see.
I came across a blog not long ago of a woman who does a lot of running and it stated
"Pain is a sign of weakness leaving the body"
How's that for a redefinition!!
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Hi Tony,
Mmmm...
"Pain is a sign of weakness leaving the body"
a runner you say?
Well that explains it; the woman must be out of her mind.
Posted by: Kahless | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Out of mind yes Kahless,
But it is such a delightful example of the Child within in action.
Driven to put oneself through all that physical pain so the Child redefines it to make the pain a positive.
the creativity of the child ego state!!
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Just googled the phrase...
hey you can buy the t-shirt
http://www.zazzle.com/pain_is_a_sign_of_weakness_leaving_the_body_shirt-235192875576806036
Posted by: Kahless | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Is the child ego state the one that fascinates you the most Graffiti?
It seems the most ingenious?
And the most versatile?
Posted by: Kahless | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Well I will have to go out and buy one Kahless
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 28 December 2008
I just like seeing examples of true human nature in action.
Another one is this friend who grew up in apart of the world where there was wars going on. She recalls her father saying to her when they could hear the bombs dropping.
"It is always good to hear the bombs because you have to be alive to hear them"
The Child ego state turning a very big negative into a positive. Human psychological survival in action.
Tony
Posted by: Graffiti | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Might be a good shirt to wear when youre down the pub with your mates having a beer.
Posted by: Kahless | Sunday, 28 December 2008
You hear of some people - like the iranian hostages of the 90s - and other examples too, who endure so much and still survive. Like the concentration camp survivors too.
Are they the people generally who have turned the negative into a positive. Or it it some other dynamic at work? Like the ability to disassociate themselves?
Posted by: Kahless | Sunday, 28 December 2008
I will have to do a post on Logotherapy Kahless,
about why some will survive and endure, and other do not,
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Legotherapy; the word sounds more like playing with plastic blocks than survival.
Anyway I will say Goodnight; hope you have a good day. I am off to Llandudno tomorrow with Gez. Should be good, albeit very cold!
Posted by: Kahless | Sunday, 28 December 2008
http://au.youtube.com/my_videos_edit2?ns=1&video_id=bfZ_qj4jtWc&next=%2Fmy_videos2%3Fpi%3D0%26ps%3D20%26sf%3Dadded%26sa%3D0%26sq%3D%26dm%3D2
Posted by: kenoath | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Not too sure what is going on Kenoath,
But that link does not take me to anything of great interest,
just a sign in to YouTube
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Sunday, 28 December 2008
yes, you tube seemed to have changed a few things recently.
Usually they have a place to copy the url for a video.
Click on the play button it works for me. Its big red
Posted by: kenoath | Sunday, 28 December 2008
try this one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwz1lIAC0kU
Posted by: kenoath | Sunday, 28 December 2008
I did not work Kenoath,
I had to sign into my YouTube account and then go yours to see it.
Do you want me to place a picture of Big Red here?
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Sunday, 28 December 2008
ok, thats good I have changed some settings in there, maybe it will share now? Its weird in you tube now. Maybe its me.
enoath
Posted by: kenoath | Sunday, 28 December 2008
I cant seem to link to it on youtube either....
Are you teasing us Kenoath???????
Posted by: Kahless | Sunday, 28 December 2008
I can't get in to see big red either.
Posted by: roses | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Tony, you said...
"At the moment you have mentioned loneliness and stroke deprivation. Two things of course which are part of relationships or at least can be."
I wanted to know about the magical thinking and if that is how one would survive no attachment. Or do you only mean the magical thinking as in the 'cleverness' of the child ego state that turns bad things that happen into a positive thing for experience sake that you've mentioned above?
roses
Posted by: roses | Sunday, 28 December 2008
I'm asking you questions separately or you'll answer the questions in your head again rather than the ones i'm asking you.
Are you talking about NO ATTACHMENT AT ALL? Like, not even an attachment from birth type thing? Like what happened to Harlow's monkeys? And even worse... to those monkeys babies too? Only worse - cause they atleast had their harsh wire mothers and the softer towel covered wire mothers.
Is that what you mean though?
roses
Posted by: roses | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Hello Roses,
If one had no attachment for an extended period of time then they would start to 'loose their mind' quite significantly and in quite a short time. Perhaps a major depression or anxiety or some loss of contact with reality may result. The Child may initially try some type of magical thinking to cope but it would not work for long.
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Harry Harlow's monkeys, Roses!
Now that takes me back. These days he is considered a sadistic fuck! But perhaps another example of not being able to see the context in which he was conducting his experiments.
I can't remember if they were primarily looking at stroke and stimulus deprivation or attachment deprivation. But they are related areas but still they are different also as I have described above
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Sunday, 28 December 2008
big red is a punching bag - no big deal
Posted by: kenoath | Sunday, 28 December 2008
Thanks for clearing that one up K; I did have a picture in my mind of a cute stuffed toy so I was well wrong.
I am sure Big Red is still well loved though, even if he is a punch bag.
Posted by: Kahless | Monday, 29 December 2008
Ouch...This is a tough one to work through in therapy. I don't want to feel the emptiness, aloneness or the ache all over pain. But, at least, I know where it comes from.
CC
Posted by: ClinicallyClueless | Wednesday, 31 December 2008
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