Sunday, 11 January 2009
The curious psychotherapist
I am reading this book at the moment and it is a sort of how to do counselling type of thing. It makes the following statement about talking with the client. It presents the following four rules:
1. Ask only those questions that are needed
2. Whenever appropriate, use open questions in preference to closed questions.
3. Avoid asking ‘Why” questions, unless there is a good reason to do so.
4. Never ask a question just to satisfy your own curiosity.
With regard to the fourth rule, as a counsellor, before you seek information, check whether you really need it. If you don’t really need it then the desire to ask the question is probably from your own needs or curiosity.
(End quote)
Opps!!! I break rule 4 all the time. I often ask questions out of curiosity.
That's curious.
Hey what do they expect! Counsellors are professional voyeurs, they are paid to pry into people’s private lives. I spend each working day prodding and poking around in peoples lives and families and relationship and their most inner thoughts and feelings.
I have always been an observer of humans because I just find them interesting. Yes I am curious about people.
I live near an area where there a lots of cafes, restaurants, bars, shops and so forth. Not uncommonly I will go down to a cafe at a busy time by myself and get a cup of tea. I find it pleasant to just sit and watch people walk by, watch people sitting and talking, families and friend and couples all doing their stuff. I often stay there for about an hour simply doing that.
My interest is in how they are getting on, their behaviour, what they appear to be feeling, the dynamics of what is going on between them and so forth. I just find it fun to sit there and watch them, just observing all the stuff. If I can eaves drop in on a conversation or two all the better!
I recall many years ago being in Bali on a holiday with my then girlfriend. One of these luxury resort type of things and we were down by the pool for breakfast one day. I noticed this family of westerners come and sit at a table near by. Mother, father and two daughters if I recall correctly. I observed them and there did not seem to be any great difficulties or angst between any of them. They were simply sitting there, ordering and eating their breakfast and just taking in the surroundings. However for the full hour they were there, I did not see any of the four of them say anything to another, not even once. What sort of life script would that breed in the children assuming they were not just having a quite day.
So that is what I find fun to do.
Holley molley do I sound lame!
There is no way I could not ask clients questions out of pure curiosity.
However what the author of the book is trying to say is that you need to let the client tell their story. That is you have to give the client the opportunity to direct the conversation and the therapist is not meant to do that all the time. Every time a therapist asks a question it interferes with a client having the opportunity to tell their story their way.
This is true and I agree with it. But please only some of the time! If a client is deep in the middle of telling about an important event in their childhood I am not going to interrupt with a curiosity question I may have.
Beauty
On the other side of the ledger. If I ask curiosity questions of clients at the right time what does that say to the client? It says I find you curious (interesting). Is that a good thing for a therapist to say to the client? It also says that the therapist has Free Child wants and he can get that met in the relational, like with the client when he asks a curiosity question. Is that a good thing to show to a client?
Graffiti
13:55 Permalink | Comments (65) | Email this
Comments
It a lovely thing i think. Curiosity - probably not too much though - is a lovely thing.
I'm afraid that i'm a tad curios about others too. Humans - we're such an interesting bunch - I love it!
Happy to see you...
Posted by: roses | Sunday, 11 January 2009
That book sounds pretty fucked up, like one of those deep original psychoanalysis things where all you are supposed to do is repeat the patient's last statement.
And it would be pretty sad if a patient engendered no curiosity.
One of the things they advise doctors to do to help avoid burnout is with each patient, to ask one "unscripted" or "unrelated" question - something about themselves, their jobs, their lives. I don't always have time for this, but it is one of the best pieces of advice I've gotten. You'll never know if you don't ask, and you never know what the answer might be if you do.
There are some people who take it strangely - but you can tell from the beginning that they are private people who are all business. I doubt many people going to therapy are like that.
Posted by: s | Sunday, 11 January 2009
Well they say Roses that curiosity killed the cat.
what the heck I am prepared to take the risk!
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Sunday, 11 January 2009
Hello Sara,
well you did pick up the flavor of the book. Whilst not being psychoanalytic in its approach it does have similar under pinnings to the psychoanalytic perspective.
I just could not, not ask any curiosity questions and maybe you make a point. If I didn't ask any such questions then maybe I might burnout
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 11 January 2009
I love watching people as well Tony. Everyone is different and unique in their own way and it's fascinating to watch the interplay between various people.
I also agree that curiosity is showing interest, rather than being intrusive, depending of course on the question. It can also spark a different train of thought or a different way of looking at something. Books are great and I take what I need from each one but they're not meant to be followed to the letter. People are too individual for that I think and one size doesn't fit all.
Posted by: KazzaB | Sunday, 11 January 2009
Also the curiosity questions can be your intuitive child noticing something which is actually important to the therapy. I've done that. Just asked what I thought was a me being curious question and finding out that there was something happening. I must admit I do agree with you Tony, I ask curious questions and most clients like it. I also ask why. Not often, but sometimes it just fits. "Only ask questions that are needed" - who decides? Bah!! I don't like the book you are reading, Tony.
Posted by: gezunda | Sunday, 11 January 2009
Good thought KazzaB,
Books where one size does not fit all.
I have pondered another point you state as well. If you find someone curious does that mean you find them interesting as well? Does one imply the other.
Perhaps one could find a client curious but see them like an insect can be curious?
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 11 January 2009
I don't quite get that last bit. LOL "See them like an insect can be curious"? As a well known lady once said "Please Explain!!" LOL
Posted by: KazzaB | Sunday, 11 January 2009
Hey Gez, we are on a roll here.
Curiosity being caused (some of the time) by an out of awareness intuitive hunch. I like that idea.
So that means one is not asking a curiosity question but checking out an intuitive hunch to assist the psychotherapeutic process. Sounds impressive to me!
Final good point. Who is the arbiter on the needed and not needed question?
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Sunday, 11 January 2009
I have heard of that "Please explain" lady before as well KazzaB,
Well one could find an insect curious, but not like the insect, in fact they could be partly repulsed by its horrible looks. And one can have no feeling for a curious insect and then go and dissect it piece by piece with no emotion.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 11 January 2009
well, graffiti, that's my theory about curiosity questions. But also if they are about the client, as you say in your post, it shows an interest in them and most people like feeling like they are interesting.
Posted by: gezunda | Sunday, 11 January 2009
We are constantly being told at Uni to follow intuitive hunches and the client can always say if we are on the wrong track. LOL So it's a good point Gez.
I'm laughing at the poor insect, who we are going to dissect, even tho we don't like it. LOL
Posted by: KazzaB | Sunday, 11 January 2009
It's the strangest thing.
When i read the blog only the 'comments' says that there are 12 comments but when i clicked on Kazza's comment (cause it's the one on the top) the page opens to say that there's only 1 comment.
I rested my head at 5pm this arvo and woke up at 9.20pm. I'm feeling lost in the world just now.
It's just so strange.
G'night everyone. I love you...
Posted by: roses | Sunday, 11 January 2009
"Intuitive hunches", Insects, Voyeurs and getting our needs met as therapists? Now we are covering a lot of ground. Only you can do that Grafitti.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Sunday, 11 January 2009
Yeah, I think Gezunda just hit on another huge point. I just finished reading Blink - what you think is just "curiosity" is often something detected that you didn't quite notice consciously.
Posted by: s | Sunday, 11 January 2009
And even if it is just plain curiosity, voyerism, or nosiness, we can say that we had an intuitive moment that wasn't quite what we thought :-) I can rationalise my curiosity any time !!
Posted by: gezunda | Sunday, 11 January 2009
Ohh, is that possible? To dissect something with out any emotion involved?
I guess if it's a machine or something that isn't alive - but something that is alive has feelings. How does one relate to something that has feelings without involving feelings?
When i spray the flies or bugs that are bugging me - it's deliberate but i prefer to put them outside. Either way, my feelings are involved. I don't like to kill things - i always think that they were here before we built our house here so, we're the intruders.
Don't you think about a blow fly that's buzzing on the floor somewhere, dying because you've sprayed it?
Why do you think that their death buzz seems so loud at the time? Mind you... i don't have to acknowledge those feelings or emotional response to the reactions to my actions if i don't want to i guess.
I'm still in a big fog so i'm going to have a lovely shower and hit the sack properly this time.
I honestly have no idea how i functioned when i had a baby full time! Mummies and daddies are increadible!
Nitey nite... roses
Posted by: roses | Sunday, 11 January 2009
Roses,
You keep saying good nite and not going to bed.
I remember when I did biology at high school. I had this sea slug that was slimy and dark green. Gross to touch but it was interesting dissecting it. So I was curious about that and had no emotion as I cut it up into little pieces.
Unfortunately I know some psychs who have the same clinical approach. The client is a case number first and person second. I assume that they can find particular cases curious and still see them in a clinical way. Like I saw the sea slug!
I mean, even the name "slug" is gross!!
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Sunday, 11 January 2009
Well I like your theory of curiosity questions Gez,
Like Sara says a big point indeed!
And who would ever know. If one was ever accused of asking unnecessary curiosity questions one can always argue that it was actually just checking out a therapeutic diagnostic hunch. And if they ask you what the hunch was you could just make something up.
I like a plan when it comes together
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 11 January 2009
You are right Kenoath.
It does cover a lot of ground and now I have even added in a sea slug or two
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 11 January 2009
Gosh, you guys have been busy!
I like questions. If I am asked questions it means that someone is interested in me. I like people being interested in me.
If I am asked questions, then that is active listening. I like being listened too.
I guess we are all in pretty much agreement that asking questions is a good thing. So I am going to flip to the other side of the equation....
I hate being asked questions where the answer is pretty obviously something I have just spoken about - that shows not listening.
I hate uninvited people asking me personal questions. However the therapist is generally invited in otherwise I wouldnt be there.
I ask questions alot, maybe not so much about how people work but rather how things work. About 8 years ago I got negative feedback from someone at work cos "I asked too many questions." The thing is I put it down to actually it put them on the spot cos they didnt understand what they were presenting. So I put it down to a defensive mechanism.
Some people do find questions almost an accusation that you dont believe them. I guess therapy is an alliance and if the client thinks you dont believe them / are on their side, then that is not good.
If someone asks a question and I dont want to reveal the answer, then I am vague and evasive. My choice I guess. Everyone does this I reckon.
And on a final note, its context is it not?
Posted by: Kahless | Sunday, 11 January 2009
There are some good ways to develop the narcisstic gap between therapist and client. I wonder what the graph of stress versus narcisstic gap for the therapist looks like for
1. New therapists,
2. relational therapists
3. stressed therapists?
4. and slugs
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Sunday, 11 January 2009
I like being asked questions, even if they are just to satisfy my therapist's curiousity. Those are the easiest questions to answer actually. It seems he always feels it's wrong to ask them though. Like he'll say "So you're going on vacation - where are you going? Oh, it's ok, you don't have to tell me." Why wouldn't I want to tell him where I'm going on vacation? It's not like he asked, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?"
What I hate is when he asks me questions he already knows the answers to. I feel like those questions are a test.
Posted by: Harriet | Sunday, 11 January 2009
I think it's important so show some curiosity as a way of expressing interest in what's being said.
But it can get over used I think. I had one previous therapist who was always getting restaurant recommendations out of me whenever I mentioned having gone out to eat. It started to feel a little weird after awhile, because clearly the names of restaurants I go to is not related to my problems.
Posted by: Lee | Sunday, 11 January 2009
Lee? Some think that we are what we eat. *Giggles* Perhaps your previous therapist believes it to be so?
Tony! Slugs?
Do slugs feel?
Before you answer that question i need to know how long you had to be a slug to find the answer to that question!
You felt while you were cutting up that slug. I'm certain of it. They feel while they are being objective with their client who is nothing but a number or a case. Any interaction humans have with any living thing affects feelings.
Whether we are able to understand that we are having feelings, accept the feelings or allow those feelings to be sensed at all... well that's a whole different kettle of fish.
I think we're very good at hiding things when we feel we need or want to. Don't you?
Posted by: roses | Monday, 12 January 2009
Sometimes I do not like questions in counselling. Some questions invite self reflection and which may imply something or other about my behaviour or thinking. In other words the questions that invoke feeling responses to think about doing things differently next time.
These are the questions that also imply that I may be "doing something wrong" from my internal Parent. I think in some situations, questions are a last resort by the therapist to feel that they are at least being useful in their work when they may not realise that other approaches are working.
That is, my theory goes - that if the client is in feelings then counselling is supposedly working. Does that mean questions which invoke conforming child feelings in the client rather than Free child feelings that counselling is also working?
I mean to say I do go to therapy for some reason and if I didnt like it I wouldnt go.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Monday, 12 January 2009
Kahless,
I think your final note is probably the right note
Context.
There are certainly times when I would not ask just a curiosity question, but I will and do at other times.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Monday, 12 January 2009
Yes Kenoath,
I too have always had an interest in the narcissistic gap between the narcissist and others, having a little bit of the traits myself.
It may indeed be beneficial in the client therapist relationship because if one does not have a gap then they will not last long I think one could say.
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Monday, 12 January 2009
Harriet you make a good point about the question the therapist asks that the client has been asked before.
It is possible that the therapist has forgotten that he ask for that piece of information. I am not saying that this is in your case, but sometimes clients thinks that the therapist remembers all. I see numerous clients each week and thus even if I read notes before a session I will have forgotten some stuff.
However, as you infer, there are times when I will ask a question and when given the answer I notice that the reply is not consistent with what the client has stated before. This may result from them not telling the full truth before or even telling a direct falsehood
I recall a recent female client who whose marriage was breaking down and I asked her if there was any other parties involved and she stated a direct “no”. About half an hour later she voluntarily returned to the topic and said that she was actually involved with another man.
I did not feel offended or anything, as I mentioned before, to my mind therapy is not a lie detector test. If people want to tell me falsehoods I am sure their Child ego state has very vaild reasons for doing to.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Monday, 12 January 2009
Hello Lee,
Were you given the name Zlyoga at birth or did you pick it later on?
Yes we therapists get all sorts of information from our clients ranging from restaurant tips as you state, to stock market tips to information from police, politicians, crims always give great information as do drug dealers and then there are those clients who work in the sex industry. Some of the things you hear from them is always interesting.
You do some good creative work I see
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Monday, 12 January 2009
Tony, that's not what I meant. I certainly don't expect my therapist to remember everything we've ever talked about - he sees 40 patients a week! What I'm talking about is, say I mention I did xyz, and he'll say "Why do you think you did that?" and I'll respond with something and he'll say "Yes, that's one of the reasons I was thinking of, what else?" and I'll give another answer about why I did xyz and he'll say "Yep, I was thinking that too", etc. I mean, if he has all the answers in his head as to why I did xyz why is he asking me? It makes me feel that if I give a different answer, one that he isn't already thinking of, that I'm wrong and I feel pressure to give him the answers that he is expecting.
Posted by: Harriet | Monday, 12 January 2009
Next time he does that Harriet, tell him you can't mind read and ask him what he's thinking.
Posted by: gezunda | Monday, 12 January 2009
I just handed in my assessment 2 essay late and short of the word count. I'm exausted and going to bed (really truely). I was writing my essay and as i read my sources i realised that i wasn't answering the question. That was approx 3.30 this arvo. So i deleted everying and started again.
Now, i think i did a terrible job but that's normal. But i loved the topic and the challenge that presented itself. I think i have a problem with time management and procrastination. Also with the way that i seem to do all that i can do to sabotage my ability to succeed.
Tony? There's something very wrong with me.
Its annoying.
It can wait till later, nitey night... roses *yawn*
Posted by: roses | Monday, 12 January 2009
"Next time he does that Harriet, tell him you can't mind read and ask him what he's thinking."
If I could that, I wouldn't need therapy!
Posted by: Harriet | Monday, 12 January 2009
Fair point Harriet LOL.
Posted by: gezunda | Tuesday, 13 January 2009
My given name is Emily. I go by Lee for short.
Zlyoga is something a friend came up with in middle school. And I've just kept using it for usernames on the internet, because I've yet to come up with something better:)
I like your blog :)
Posted by: Lee | Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Hi Tony,
That 4th question made me larrrrrrf my head off Tony, imagine being able to predict the answer to a question beforehand (real crystal ball stuff). I also thought the real beauty of questions is for the client to learn more information, not the therapist. Ha,ha- you've got to laugh, especially in these cold dark times a head!!!
Nick.
Posted by: Nick | Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Hi Harriet,
I take your point about how you feel about his questioning and answers. I would agree with Gezunda that you tell him about this and about the pressure and so forth.
In April and May 2008 I wrote 4 blog posts here on a thing called extractive identification. Some times I will ask a client a question where I think I know what the answer might be. Sometimes I am proven to be right and sometimes I am proven to be wrong.
The main reason for asking the question is not for me to get information but to facilitate the client to discover things about self. If I just told the client about this 'aspect' of self then I have done extractive identification. I have literally stolen from the client. I have stolen the 'ah ha' or experience of self discovery that they can never again have about that 'aspect' of them self. I stole that from them because now I have given them the information and thus they can never discover it for self.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Roses,
You certainly do raise some issues there with your statement about the possible "Don't succeed" injunction and your uni work.
Hope you get there in the end and that you pass your uni assignment
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Hello Lee,
Did your friend come up with the name Zlyoga for some reason?
Like Gezunda picked her name for a reason
You have done some interesting YouTubes. I have been going back to my YouTubes of late and I am getting ready to do some more. I might start with a few more monologues.
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Nick,
As I read your comment I realize that we have just said the same thing, when I made my comment to Harriet about extractive identification.
So I now realize I ask questions for three reasons
1. to get information
2. To facilitate self awareness in the client
3. Because I am curious about them and their life because my FC is a busy body
Hope all is well for you over there
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Nick,
"I also thought the real beauty of questions is for the client to learn more information, not the therapist."
I guess that can only be appreciated if the client and therapist has a reasonably firm relational appreciation of each other?
I've been with people who 'know' what they're doing and ask questions in such a way that instead of hearing my answer (if i've even answered the thing) but wanted to smack them down. And if they assume that they have permission to use their therapy on me - and its plain to me that they don't - then i have happily slapped them down - verbally, but I'm sure that they may have felt physical effects. Don't rial me man! I'll eat you for breakfast! They make me want to up-chuck a bowel movement - yes, violently ill!
Hmm, perhaps this is not a good time for me to be talking to anyone right now. I'm in the middle of an internal battle and i'm angry. Sorry about that Nick and everyone.
I'm going to watch movie and I DON'T CARE IF I SHOULD BE OR NOT!!
I hope today is nice somehow and you get to smile a lot. Yes, giggling, the odd chuckle and a smirk or 2 is ok. But don't you give me 'that' look!
Posted by: roses | Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Tony?
Why do i hate my self so much? What did i ever do to be so cruel and nasty to myself? I'm not a bad person really, i don't think i am anyway. I can be, just like everyone else who has ever walked the planet but i don't want to be.
Why do i think i'm useless? I can do things. I can do things quite well actually so why do i not want to succeed? There's something not quite real about that somehow.
It's like inside of me there are 2 children. One wants to have an exciting and fun time and another who wants the same but her idea of 'fun' is doing all she can do to make sure the first child doesn't achieve anything.
Am i actually crazy or something? It looks like the 2 little girl thing is not a healthy state to be in. Don't say its ambivalence because i don't want it to be ambivalence.
Its like i'm in a 'tug-o-war' with my self but a part of me plays really dirty and i fall for it every time.
Its as though i have no one else to play with and so i learn to play games with myself. But they're mean games - nasty ones. And i hurt myself every time. I seem to be the target for my most poisoned darts.
All the while Tony, in the back ground, while i write this comment, i can hear my mother describing me in her usual way, and i so want to please her... somehow - regardless of the fact that i know it isn't possible. I know she loves me and i do love her.
But i am not her. And she is not me. We are separate people who live separate lives. I am grateful to her for my life - she could have taken it from me at any time, but she didn't. She is grateful to me for being a buffer between her and the rest of her world. And i don't mind that. I just wish i had been older to understand what was going on. It's no ones fault - we just were.
She's old and frail now and there's nothing i can do about that. Though she has always been fiercly independant, she now is found to be totally dependant on everyone and everything, and can not do anything but lie there and rest. At last!
Rest well and be happy mum.
Posted by: roses | Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Oh my goodness! She lived through us! That was her secret! She lived through us living our lives! That's why we could do nothing right - her dream of a life was unrealistic and we couldn't reach the expectations she projected onto us!
Oh mum, i'm so sorry for all the dissapointment!
But i'm not you
Posted by: roses | Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Tony,
I played a role-playing game in middle school. I named my character Ryoga, after my favorite character in a TV show. My friend started messing around and calling my character Lyoga. I responded by substituting the first letter of her character's name with an "L" too. And she responded by putting a Z in front of my char's name. Thus Zlyoga came to be.
I love youtube. I was never able to express myself very well in text blogging. Video is a much better medium for me. I love it.
Posted by: Lee | Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Ok Zlyoga,
This is what i saw.
1. A person in black with a back pack, looking back over their right shoulder
2. A crunchy brown leaf that has been slowly decaying
3. Looking down over the side of a boat through the rippley water seeing the top of a light grey sting ray.
4. 2 People having a conversation
5. A man with a long beard riding on one of those prehistoric drawings of a buffalo or cow or something like that
I couldn't remember my youtube password or name... actually anything but i wanted to have a go at the blotches. It was fun and i see colour. I don't know how but i do.
Posted by: roses | Tuesday, 13 January 2009
hi Tony, I would like your feedback on something. Is it OK to email you, or would that be inappropriate?
Posted by: Hullaballoo | Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Roses,
I am not sure why you would hate your self.
My first response is one of - Roses is my friend and I hope she can feel better soon. It does sound like there is a battle in there between different parts of you around success and probably other things as well.
When people make such a statement the first thing I would do is find out what sort of self hate it is. For instance the hate maybe coming from a particularly virulent Critical Parent ego state. So the person maybe attacking their Child from a large internal critic that sits in the back of their head.
The other type of self hate can come from the Child ego state itself. For what ever reason the Child decided that it is in some way bad.
Then of course there maybe both sources of self hate.
If you are talking about there being 2 children inside you then there maybe some of the self hate coming from the Child ego state itself.
Hope you are feeling better today
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Hello Lee,
Would you prefer to be called Lee or Zlyoga?
I see you are a fan of the Rorschach test. I have used that myself at times.
You do seem to like video as a medium. I saw someone the other day refer to their "Vlog". It is a blog that does not include written text but is all communication through video
Tony
Posted by: Graffiti | Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Hi Hulla,
Good to hear from you.
yes feel free to email me.
what I usually say in situations like this is - You can ask me any question you like and I reserve the right to answer it or not.
I am sure you question or comments will be fine.
hear from you soon
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 14 January 2009
ok,
I googled the Rorschach test
and got this...
http://theinkblot.com/
take a look guys and take the test
???!!!!????
ermmmm...
I assume this is a joke?????
(if its real then what a load of rubbish!)
Posted by: Kahless | Wednesday, 14 January 2009
(my previous comment hasnt come through yet and this is a postscript to it)
ok ok....
just seen the site also has
The Online Pregnancy Test
The Creative Ability Test
The HeMale Or SheMale Test
The Manliness Test
The Coolness Test
The Shape & Color Test
The Purity Test
Posted by: Kahless | Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Tony,
I am feeling must brighter today. It will all work out i think. I just need to come to some aggreement.
I'm not so good at understanding little parts of things but when i get to look at a few pieces the picture begins to take shape.
Do you remember the posts that you wrote about what it takes to make change happen? Well i intend to make some changes and so that takes a little bit of 'stirring up the waters' so to speak.
I appologize for using the 'hate' word. It is a bit strong if taken in its real sense. I don't think i hate myself all that much, its just that sometimes i drive my self up the wall! Hmm, probably not a good look...
My hole life is about to change - according to my environment's ability to allow.
That's all it is - but because of the proximity or... if you knew me better, it would all appear differently i suppose.
This is kinda like being 'pen pals'. I didn't ever get to do that - ever! And i always wondered what it must be like to have a pen friend. Its nice. Well on this end its nice.
Thank you so much for being here - for being alive.
Your pen friend... roses
Posted by: roses | Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Also, i have assumed that there are no feelings toward anything to do with me from you. I guess i've always learned to view other people as not really caring towards me. It will always be mainly - in my perspective - my feelings toward them.
It isn't possible to know what another feels toward us - we're not them. They can hate us and wish us dead or even worse but do such amazing and helpful/loving things for us or to us because of their sense of duty, responsibility, for money, whatever...
Is that dumb?
I always hope that caring is involved but its silly of me to assume it, isn't it? *Shrugs* This 'other people' thing is so difficult to understand! And it hurts so often. Stupid idea i reckon!
Posted by: roses | Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Kahless, I googled the Rorschach test as well and besides finding just rubbish, got a rude website as well. Just had a look and I got the same website as you and also got one that was rather rude. I was really interested but obviously it is something that is exploited as a joke on websites.
Posted by: KazzaB | Wednesday, 14 January 2009
i am sorry about that Kazza; I didnt realise.
Apologies.
Any additional window that ever opens I always shut so I didnt realise what it was.
Posted by: Kahless | Wednesday, 14 January 2009
BTW Kahless and Kazza, the Rorschach inkblot test is a standard psychological projection test that has been used for years. I ones on the net will not be the proper ones and therefore probably not have any validity.
Posted by: gezunda | Wednesday, 14 January 2009
I would concur with Gezunda,
A number of years ago the Rorschach test was a mainstream personality test. In the last 10 to 20 years there have been others that have come about that have reduced its popularity.
It certainly was a legitament test of personality and still is. But I suppose like most other things the web can corrupt it
Graffiti
Posted by: Graffiti | Wednesday, 14 January 2009
I don't know Kahless,
I did the test and it gave me a 65% sickness score. It could be legit. Pitty i'm not all that clever or i'd probably take it all to heart. *Giggles*
Fairdinkum Kahless - sometimes i'm so glad that i' a tad dense! Saves a heap of heart ache.
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 15 January 2009
You are not dense Roses.
I see the proof in what you write here every day.
And I am sure someone who is dense would not be able to pass the exams that you have done.
You are very tough and hard on yourself Roses.
Posted by: Kahless | Friday, 16 January 2009
Thanks for saying that Kahless. I probably do seem to be tough and hard on myself a bit.
Its not easy to pass subjects when my greatest enemy is myself. I think - hope i can be honest here - that you would understand how that feels.
Its not my mum or anything else that holds me back. It isn't the past that affects my present or future. Its the decision I choose to make, the habits i choose to form, and those very habits that i choose to continue in - all of which i allow that make a difference to my life.
That's what i believe for me and my life. Its ok for other people believe something different for themselves.
I am obese. No one else shoves food down my throat or stops me from exercising regularly. I do that to me. I choose that for me.
Have you ever attempted to give up smoking Kahless? Well habits and the stimulation those habits have formed are really kind of nice, even when they have not so nice stuff attached to them.
I'm much older now and i really want to be healthy - something i am not at this point in time. It is frightening - the thought of such a huge change to my life - but i want to live.
To lay blame on anyone else for my situation is not the way i want to go. It doesn't make sense to me and in actual fact, i KNOW that i have used those memories (memories that are probably very different to what actually happened at the time) as an excuse to keep hurting myself in this way.
So i'm going to stop. Now. I have control of my life - so its about time that i took that control and stopped palming it off to others - even if those others are just random memories from my past. My parents were always keeping me safe - well its my turn now. Its time for me to let go and start walking on my own, like an individual does, without someone protecting me all the time. I'm off on a journey - even if its just learning to roll over for the first month/year, then crawl for a little bit then finally walking holding onto furniture then perhaps walking on my own, etc.
I do tend to be hard on myself and i will stop that too. It takes practice and i appreciate that you are willing to help me in my pursuit of wellness and self esteem.
Thank you for that Kahless, i need all the help i can get.
Posted by: roses | Friday, 16 January 2009
Roses,
Don't be hard on yourself
Graffiti
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 17 January 2009
Tony?
Ok.
roses
Posted by: roses | Saturday, 17 January 2009
Roses,
I wasnt on-line last night so sorry its taken me abit to get back to you. I wanted to come back to your comment.
I just wanted to share with you the song that I play a lot in my car at the moment.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=J4Z1KTRWZOs
I say to you what the lyrics say at 1:05
;-)
My favourite is at 1:30.
Posted by: Kahless | Saturday, 17 January 2009
Kahless, you're amazing.
Thank you.
Posted by: roses | Sunday, 18 January 2009
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