Tuesday, 10 March 2009
The transference neurosis
This is the relationship the evolves between client and counsellor over time. As the counsellor is attributed with more archaic qualities and emotional energy by the client then he/she will begin to perceive the therapeutic relationship as a replay of the archaic relationships that they had in childhood with their parents.
For instance if the client came from a background where mother and father were angry, humiliating and unpredictable then the client will begin to see the counsellor as doing those things. They will begin to misperceive things like tone of voice, looks on the face of the counsellor, imagining the counsellor is angry about things which they are not, selective perceptions and reinforcing memories. So over time the client finds them self in a relationship that is a replay of childhood even when the therapist is not doing that.
Why would a client do that?
There is the eternal battle in all of us between our drive or natural tendency to grow and self actualise, and that drive of the repetition compulsion to repeat the same self defeating relationship patterns over and over.
Transference neurosis transaction
All of us battle with this especially in out most intimate relationships.
One of the most crucial factors in the selection of a mate involves the transference neurosis exercise. Answer this question:
In the first decade of life.
The thing that you always wanted from Mother and never got was...... ?
The thing that you always wanted from Father and never got was...... ?
(Usually people answer things like love, time, encouragement, affection, information, direction and so forth)
Most people in some way will select a partner that also never gives the things they always wanted and never got
In your relationship with mother and father which glass did you drink from?
Graffiti
19:08 Permalink | Comments (6) | Email this
Comments
Half empty or half full? I wish. I drank from the empty one (mother) and the poisoned one (father).
Posted by: Ethereal Highway | Wednesday, 11 March 2009
Huh EH! your comment made me smile. You definately are a big picture thinker.
Graffiti,
I am somewhat confused. On the one hand I am reading that you say "all of us battle with this (transference neurosis) especially in our most intimate relationships."
Yet I also read that you say people select a partner that dont give them what they wanted from parent.
But I see a difference. It could be fact (ie the counsellor or partner could have the actual traits of parent) or it could be transference (ie they dont but we percieve them to have these traits)
ie. Say a persons parents were lacking in time.
Will they select a partner lacking in time or rather regardless of their partner time qualities, they will percieve them as having no time.
If the former, are you ultimately saying it is true of all intimate relationships? If so, do people actually then tend to select counsellors that remind them of their parents?
I am not sure this is the case.
I suspect I am not making any bloody sense!
Ken,
sending you good health vibes across the big pond. Oh and a hug too {{{Ken}}}
Posted by: Kahless | Wednesday, 11 March 2009
People will tend to 'click' more with those who fit for them. If the therapist is not like their parents then they will tend to have very selective perception and reinforcing memories and see things the way they not really are.
If the therapist is really different then of course that will be harder
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, 11 March 2009
Thanks Kahless
ken
Posted by: kenoath | Wednesday, 11 March 2009
It's funny how people click or not isn't?
I tend to see you (Tony) like i do my dad, but i think you are very different.
But you are right, i do tend to see people as familiar or not so familiar when we first meet.
I guess it would be the same if i went to therapy and was relating with a therapist face to face. I would relate to them in a way that i would have related to the person they resemble.
I really don't like doing that. Its yucky to do that. People are all different and its not nice to box them into a role before we ever get to know each other!
I don't suppose there's a magical way to learn to take people at face value and let our past stay in the past? Wouldn't that be nice...
Posted by: roses | Wednesday, 11 March 2009
Perhaps Bloging and other social networks are modern ways of "transfering" ones neuroses.
I would hate to see someone pull the plug on the internet and the social outcomes of all the pent up Transference - Counter Transference - Lilith - anger - sadness etc that must find other forms of expression.
Perhaps there is great value in our virtual attachments and that "we" can forget how we used to deal with life and relationships.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Thursday, 12 March 2009
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