Thursday, 04 June 2009
People watching
I am a people watcher. I just find it fun and ti watching people. Now this is probably a good thing being a counsellor and all, where observing people is kind a of a thing you have to do.
For many years I have had the habit of going to restaurants and cafes by myself. If I find a particular one that I like which has a dish that I particularly like then I will tend to frequent it by myself. Instead of cooking a can of baked beans at home by myself I will go to a cafe repeatedly and order the same dish each time. Usually on the same day of the week and usually early evening when things are not too busy.
When there I tend to befriend the staff and suck up to the chef by getting the wait staff to pass onto him lots of strokes for the meal I just ate. After a time the chef often will come out and have a chat with me and then of course he puts in extra effort on the meal. When I first go to a new one I will disclose very little about myself and I see them looking at me kind of funny.
They think, “Who is this person who comes regularly, by himself and says very little about himself. I wonder if he is a food critic for a magazine?”. So then they really put in a lot of effort on the food and service.
However so much for my manipulative ways. Over the years when I have told people that I go to restaurants by myself some reply that they could never do that. They would be too embarrassed as the other diners would look at them as though they are lonely and desperate and that is why you dine by yourself. Such a thing had never even entered my mind until I was told it. Maybe the other diners do look at me like that and even worse maybe I am a lonely and desperate guy! But either way it does not worry me and I keep doing my little solo dining out.
The other reason I do such a thing is that it’s a good place to watch other people. You see all sorts of combinations of people come into restaurants and I just find it interesting to watch them and what they do and how they get on. Most often I can’t hear what they are saying so I just get the video and no audio. I don’t do it from a judgmental or critical point of view, I just find it fun to watch what they do.
I did another bit of people watching yesterday that was not in a cafe but in my local supermarket and it made me smile. It was unusually busy so there were lots of people around and at the checkout line one had to wait about 5 minutes before being ‘checked out’ which was much longer than usual.
There was this woman waiting in the line two people in front of me. From her attire she obviously had just been to aerobics or was just about to go. She was quite pretty and was noticeably thin. Very well presented, probably had a boob job as a woman who is that thin would not usually have such boobs. Her lips also probably had been recently injected with pig fat as they looked very African-American. This woman spent a lot of time and effort on her physical appearance.
But the thing most noticeable to me was how thin she was. The vertebra in her neck and between her shoulders were clearly visible. I would not call her dangerously thin but she obviously did not eat a lot of pizza.
At the check out there were the usual magazines and trays of chewing gum, throat lozenges and lollies. As you wait people often do that last bit of impulse buying and pick up a little extra thing. The woman mentioned had two items, a tray of very lean meat and a tub of diet, low fat yogurt. So there we stood for 5 minutes waiting amidst the trays of impulse buying items.
Finally when it came to her turn the checkout chick scanned one item and just before the second one was scanned the woman quickly turned around and reached over a long tray of chocolates and picked up a chocolate bar. She had been standing next to them for 5 minutes, why did she wait right until the very, very last moment to make her purchase. There were probably a dozen different varieties of chocolate bars and she reached over all the others to pick up hers right at the end of the tray. This woman knew exactly the type of chocolate bar she wanted and she knew exactly where it was.
This made me smile. There it was, human nature in action. The Child ego state in full display. Further evidence that the Child ego state always wins out in the long run. At the very last final moment it had got what it wanted, a chocolate bar. She probably has a huge 5 volume rule book in her head about what she can and can’t do. A large internal critic that clamps down hard on the Child and what it wants and telling it all the exercise it has to do and all the good foods it can’t eat and all the fun it cannot have.
If I was counselling her I would do the usual things like listen for the cough. Bulimics often have this light repetitive cough because the throat gets irritated by the stomach acid. Drop in the, do you self harm or throw up question when she is not expecting it and look for the slight shuffle of discomfort. Circle around her possible use of amphetamines or other stimulants of some kind. As she was so thin she could also be a heroin user.
The other interesting thing about people who clamp down heavily on their Child is it works both ways. They are highly restrictive on what the Free Child is permitted to do. It is punished with a comprehensive set of rules and regulations. On the other hand not uncommonly the fun and pleasure of the Free Child also gets very specific. For instance with bulimics they can have a highly specific ritual around their eating which is quite pleasurable to go through.
I recall one delightful bulimic woman who I saw on and off for a number of years. She had this elaborate ritual where she would go to a specific supermarket, at a specific time of day, purchase a specific brand of chocolate, and a specific type of chocolate in that brand and it was always a 250g block. She would then come home, sit in her lounge room with the TV on and reading the newspaper and proceed to eat the block(s) of chocolate. You don’t need three guesses to work out what her first homework assignment was. Do the whole ritual and chocolate eating but no TV or newspaper.
For the woman in the supermarket that could have been her ritual that she has done a hundred times before. But what I would be alert to is how her Free Child gets some fun and pleasure. It could easily be odd, highly ritualistic, specific and also very secretive. Especially around food, sex and other sensory interests. She is certainly not going to tell a counsellor about them in the first sessions so just circle around the topic and wait.
People watching is fun.
Graffiti
20:01 Permalink | Comments (33) | Email this
Comments
I used to like people watching, but something about the doctor training made me have the empathy look and I always end up hearing someone's troubles. I know it's an honor, but I'm sick of it by now, so I stopped people watching. Stare straight ahead. I remember in a waiting room a while ago, some older woman started chatting with me, and it was really and truly just small talk, and I was so happy she didn't ask me what I do or talk about medicine (it was a medical waiting room). And I realized that that was the first time in a LONG time where I just had normal, no sob story small talk and I was very thankful to her.
Posted by: myalterego | Thursday, 04 June 2009
quality, I like this, I saw something like this on http://www.hire-a-graffiti-artist.co.uk
Posted by: tracey | Thursday, 04 June 2009
Hi Tony,
Im interested in your idea of people watching Tony. I have a few cafe's/ eating places where i can indulge my own fascination with people watching, very similar to your own methodology. My places tend to be the kind of place I can drop in over lunch, hang out, and over time get to know the particular ambience of the place.
There's a favourite lunch time place I go which is always busy. It's always crowded with people buying sandwiches, soups, jacket potatos and so on, and the women serving have a really good banter and I like to sit and listen to them with their local punters and sometimes if they're quieter i can enjoy a bit of banter with them. It amuses me to relax and listen to their humour and warm banter. It's very vibrant. I guess the Irish would call it a good crack, and of course I have my favourites amongst them, the ones i watch and listen to with particular interest.
I often think it would be a lot different if I went there with colleagues or friends as Id be so focused on them that Id miss out on a lot of the richness of it all. That said, Im aware that occasionally I'll drop in with a friend and in that way I build the cafe staffs confidence in me as a sociable safe kind of guy, particularly if I take a female friend with me. I don't know whether this is a shrewd bit of manipulation on my part, but ive often noticed the staff feel closer to me as a result of seeing my colleagues or friends. I think in this way I get to know them quicker than if I relied purely on my own getting to know strangers skills.
I also have my favourite chippy where i go and order fish and chips and where I can look out over the harbour. It's great to sit and watch the world go by, look at the sea and the sea-gulls. Such landscape is a great conversational piece but it's a great place to just go and observe. I really ought to take my note pad and pen and make a few notes, but im not disciplined when it comes to that sort of thing, besides, if I was looking for something special, no doubt it wouldnt happen. I guess part of the beauty of people watchin is the chaos and randomness of the xperience.
take it easy Tony.
Nick
Posted by: Nick | Friday, 05 June 2009
There are people who won't go to restaurants alone? Wow. I love doing that. I do it all the time. In some ways it's better. Its awkward to attempt socialization while eating. They're probably the same people who wont go shopping or to a movie theater alone.
I love people watching. there are some excellent people watching opportunities where I'm living right now.
I'd love to get into doing street photography. I bought a tiny little remote control to make my camera go off without being noticed as easily. I might give it a go sometime soon.
Posted by: Lee | Friday, 05 June 2009
Sounds like you have a very good set up with your favourite food spots Tony.
k
Posted by: kenoath | Friday, 05 June 2009
Being a smoker, you get to congregate in smokers corner. (The places where us social rejects hang out.)
I think when some people give up smoking, they miss smokers corner.
When people have a smoke, they are put into confined spaces
with people that they ordinarily wouldnt mix with. And converstation can strike up where it ordinarily wouldnt. We all have at least one thing in common.
I overhear all manner of juicy converstations in the smoking shelter at work.
Oh and I know the names of all the staff in our work restaurant. And I think it helps to get extra big portions too.
And you know what, I am easily flattered and will do things for people at work who are nice to me. It is how life works.
Posted by: Kahless | Saturday, 06 June 2009
Is that called something? Voyer or... i don't know how its spelled but i remember seeing stuff written about that ( i think mostly in jest ) about others in the chat room or blogs and stuff like that.
I don't know if i like to watch - like when i go to a coffee shop or sit on a street bench (has to be in another place though) and watch the 'living thing'.
I do watch. I don't know why. It is extremely relaxing if its possible to not become involved. People usually want to talk so that's what usually happens. So its best to not be in a local area or to be in an area that is different (heavily populated with strangers).
I hide mostly. If i want rest/relaxation - i hide.
I like that you get a kick out of other people and the buzz of life around you. That's nice i think. Perhaps i would behave differently in a more populated area - but in reality... that's just geography isn't it?
How did it go?
Yesterday.
Friday.
Your workshop.
The one about redecision Therapy!
How did it go?
Was it fun?
Did you learn anything new?
I hope it went well and you feel good.
Cheers...
Posted by: roses | Saturday, 06 June 2009
Sara,
You can't stop people watching!
Good to hear the elder woman restored some faith for you
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 06 June 2009
Hi Nick
I didn't realize people watching was such a past time such as you say what you do and sara said what she did. I thought I was a little bit strange doing so but it seems I am not alone at all!.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 06 June 2009
Hi Lee,
Another people watcher!
I am like you. I have been asked by waitresses sometimes, "Why don't you bring someone with you".
My response is, I am not here to socialize but to eat good food.
Of course one can do both but it seems OK to me to just go to eat sometimes.
So, how about some street photography pictures on your blog.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 06 June 2009
Yes kenoath,
I do go hunting and it is grand when one finds a good new eating spot that meets the criteria, which I may add are quite specific and stringent
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 06 June 2009
Good to hear that you are easily flattered Kahless.
I feel sorry for smokers and think they are horribly discriminated against as more and more restrictions are put in place where they can and can't puff away
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 06 June 2009
I like the point you make Roses about not being involved with the others who you are watching.
Some how the waiters and waitresses seem to kind of know the days where I do want to speak and the days when I just want to people watch. And even when I do speak with them they always then move away after a time and allow me to be alone.
Its funny as i think about this as I cannot recall ever having to ask them to do that. They just seem to know some how
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 06 June 2009
Hi Tony,
No Tony, I don't think you're alone in this pastime.I also guess waiters/waitresses either learn or have an intuitive sense of whether to or when to intervene in conversation. It's probably one of the skills that distinguishes the expert from the ordinary waiter/ress. Itd be cool to carry out an interview and research to understand their reasoning and decision-making process.Yesterday i must have been distracted when I was in my local cafe as when i got back to my office i found that id been given an Australian 5 cents piece in my change. There's a spiky kind of creature on one side altho' it looks like a 5p, particularly with the image of Queen Elizabeth 1 on the other side.
Best wishes
Nick
Posted by: Nick | Saturday, 06 June 2009
Nick
I think the creature is an echidna on the 5 cent coin and yes we do have a prior queen of England on our coins. As you may be be aware we never had a revolution like those damn 'Yanks' did.
However its probably not too far away when we become a republic and then the queen will fade away from our coinage I would imagine and we have el presidente on them.
Cheers
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Saturday, 06 June 2009
Probably work related stuff. I don't remember ever being told not to hang about and yack while serving meals - but it was the kind of thing that you just didn't do unless the customer was obviously open to it. Sometimes that was NOT a good thing. But mostly the people were friendly and kind.
It kind of is a not spoken thing i think. I do recall girls who were likely to babble on with the customer and i don't remember seeing them at work much longer. It was a courtesy that didn't need to be told more than once if at all! That is, of course, if you wanted to keep your job.
That's my take on the whole intuition thing.
How did your workshop go? I was all excited about it. Even tried to google it but didn't find much on the net about it. Hope it was fun and hope everyone involved got something out of it.
Happy... Oh! You W.A.-ians don't have the 'Queen's Birthday' long weekend this weekend do you! I think i heard that on the telly today sometime. Well then, in that case... happy Sunday Night?
Posted by: roses | Sunday, 07 June 2009
Well Roses I was unaware that you have so much knowledge about being a waitress. Good for you.
Workshops!
I have run 2 all day workshops in three days. So it has been a full on time, but a good time. I like group work. The first workshop was in Bunbury on redecision therapy and that was a workshop whilst the group today was a demonstration therapy group. So they are quite different but on still gets all the group dynamics.
I noted Nick's comment about the randomness and chaos of people watching and meeting people and the experiences that involves.
I also like that about humans. When they get together either in twos or larger groups you never know what it is going to be like. Will the group 'happen' or will it not. Like a party. Ocassionally you go to one and it is really good because of the people who meet there and the mood they happen to be in at the time. That uncontrolled factor that will make a party work or not. A thing you simply cannot plan for that.
The same applies for workshops and groups. Like the workshop that I ran in Bunbury. It went well and had that thing which cannot be planned for. Being the workshop leader you can not do anything about making a group like that work in that way. It will either happen or it will not. It simply depends on who attends and what mood and frame of mind they are in.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Sunday, 07 June 2009
Well i only really have around 5-6 years experience and that was a Chinese Resturant. Oh... and a couple of years in a coffee shop too - that was in around 2001 i think. I was employed in an educational place's canteen for around 6 years. So sick to death of playing with other people's food! *Heave!!*
People are strange. I think we humans are a strange species. I remember being little and wishing i'd have been born anything else BUT human. Used to wish we would all get some terrible desease and be eradicated from this beautiful planet.
But that hasn't happened yet and i have grown up. I still wonder how we can be so cruel and so (often) deliberately bad - but its the nature of the thing. Life can be and is mostly hostile and that seems to be "just the way it is". *Shrugs*
Perhaps there are things that we don't need to understand? I don't know.
I'm going to a TA thing in August sometime. I hope that's fun. I think it can be not so fun sometimes. I would thind that it's not fun when its like that. What ever...
Thank you for saying stuff. It was nice.
Posted by: roses | Monday, 08 June 2009
"Maybe the other diners do look at me like that and even worse maybe I am a lonely and desperate guy!"
I would look at you and simply assume that you were hungry and decided to eat. (And I might be alone at my table too, and come see if I could chat you up a little over dinner!)
Posted by: Ethereal Highway | Monday, 08 June 2009
I want one of those coffee mugs. The recess at the bottom could fit a piece of cake in it.
kenoath
Posted by: kenoath | Monday, 08 June 2009
Ken?
What kind of cake would fit in that recess?
Posted by: roses | Monday, 08 June 2009
So Roses,
What is your August TA studies?
I never worked as a waiter, but I did pump gas for a while in my younger years.
Not too sure what you are saying about humans and the strange species.
Hope you had a good bank holiday today
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Monday, 08 June 2009
Hello Lynn,
It had never even entered my mind until a few people mentioned that they would never go and dine in a restaurant by them self for the reasons I stated.
And I would welcome you at my table to dine Lynn!!
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Monday, 08 June 2009
I will see if I can track such a cup down for you on eBay Kenoath.
Nada asked after you at the workshop yesterday
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Monday, 08 June 2009
You are the worst tease!!
I don't really know what its going to be totally about - its like some people are going to come and talk about therapy and stuff. Its a state thing (New South Wales) or something. I'm a bit scared and feel really silly attending something that i'm not apart of but... i want to. I really want to; as silly as it seems.
I can't remember if it was you i told before or not but i heard a saying somewhere... some where. It went something like... "when you feel like everyone around you is so very different..." (something like that - i can't clearly remember now) well... "its then that you truely belong."
Holy Smokes! What an understatement!
You know? I've decided that sometimes it may be healthy to behave like an idiot. Yep. I'm going to go with that one. Geez, i hope the lights work cause driving idiocy around, lights might just come in handy. Wat-d-ya-recon?
I'm feeling a bit broken at the moment. Sort of hollow in the middle - like there's a whole in the middle of my chest - so you can see right through the middle and see what's behind me. Its yucky.
I'm wickedly wildly welieved ur weekend work went well.
Nighty night... roses
Posted by: roses | Monday, 08 June 2009
Hi Tony,
Thanks for the info. re the 5 cents. I make a point of hanging onto these coins i pick up by accident and im hording quite a pile!!!That mug's neat. I haven't seen the design over here. That spot for stashing biccies is a great idea, as Ken spotted.
Just been watchin Australia in the crackit. Poor defeat for your boys Tony.
Nick
Posted by: Nick | Tuesday, 09 June 2009
Well I don't know if the weekend was wild and wicked Roses. Had to work one day and get ready to work for the other day!
Re the hollow in the middle.
Roses see that hollow in a chair and let it to say what ever it wants and then you talk back to it
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, 09 June 2009
Yes we did not do very well in that 20/20 game of cricket.
we have lost many of our very best to the IPL though
You Poms are trashing every one else in the F1 at the moment
Cheers
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, 09 June 2009
I gave that a go last time when you said to (with the big dark person in my dream) and nothing happened. I musn't understand how to do it.
I will, however, have a go at the hollow.
About your working weekend... yeah, i guess so. But i think you like your work. You seem able to enjoy elements of it... and that's nice.
I'm going to talk to a hollow and listen to what it says to me. Do you want me to tell you what it says? Hmm, i will see the content of our conversation and tell you the bits i think i understand.
Hope your Tuesday is being nice to you. You had a doosie of a weekend.
Posted by: roses | Tuesday, 09 June 2009
Yes I did have a doosie Roses,
Do have a go at two chairing the hollow part of you Roses. If you are finding nothing then you need to two chair your resistance.
Last time you resisted letting the big dark person in your dream speak and come out. If the same happens in this instance then you need deal with your defence mechanism of resistence and you can put that in the empty chair.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, 09 June 2009
Holy smokes! That empty chair's getting pretty crowded. I hope they don't all talk at once.
I'll be back.
Posted by: roses | Tuesday, 09 June 2009
that sounds like resistance Roses!
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, 09 June 2009
The dream of the dark person has been something remembered for a very long time. I don't really remember having it - but i guess i must have been older than a toddler because i could run and was wearing a dress. In my memory of the dream i perhaps could have been between 4 and 7?
I'm frightened to face the dark person and when i did so... well, i was frightened.
And...
What sounds like resistance??
My grandson is going to his mum's place sometime today. I'm hoping to face my resistance and then the dark person and then the hollow. Though i already have a hunch about the hollow.
I think i miss being a mother. I miss nurturing someone. Because since my grandson has been here (since Tuesday i think) the hollow is filled. I feel... useful. Like its worth 'being'.
Yeah... i liked being a mother.
Posted by: roses | Thursday, 11 June 2009
Post a comment