Thursday, 18 June 2009
My teen years
Whenever I see a client for the first time, I will most often ask lots of questions about them and their life. Things like how many siblings were there, where they come in the line, who lived in their home, what schools they went to, were they bullied and so forth.
One other question I ask is what were they like as a teenager. Were they rebellious or conforming and so forth. The personality research shows that 75% of teenagers do go through a stage of “Storm and stress” as they call it and 25% do not. So 75% do have a significant period of rebellion. If they are in the 25% then it is quite possible that you will have someone who is primarily conformist in their life. They will tend to live too much in the Conforming Child and not enough in the Rebellious Child and some can then have very little idea of their own Free Child. 75% of teenagers spend a good deal of time in the RC and use that as the main means to communicate with others, particularly those perceived as authority figures.
However when I ask this question and listen to the answer I often wonder how would I respond if a therapist asked me such a question. I was never one of those kids who hated school and wanted to burn it down. I think I was reasonably rebellious but I would not say that I was overly so. In fact there may have even been more FC rather than RC.
I was raised with a permissive parenting style. Both my parents tended to do this type of parenting. There was not much that I was not allowed to do. By the time I was 16 or 17 I could basically do what ever I wanted and go where I wanted. However I was not a child who always wanted more and more stuff like bikes, surfboards, clothes, money, etc. So they did not have to say ‘no’ to me in such ways. I was the apple of my mother’s eye and as far as she was concerned I could do no wrong. She was not into telling me off much at all instead she spent much more of her time telling me what I could do and the potential that I did have.
I did not go out of my way to fight the system. I did it a bit but I knew what I wanted. If that did not cause trouble for the ‘system’ then I merrily went about my way and did it. There were times when I wanted to do stuff that the ’system’ had a problem with and then at these times I would be seen as highly stubborn and rebellious. I would be called by my mother - “bloody minded” - I can even here her saying those words now as I write.
For the latter part of my high school I went to one of those free schools that they had in the 1970s. You only went to the classes you wanted to and only did the projects that you wanted when you wanted. The theory being that if you place a child in a open and free learning environment then they will naturally learn and teach themselves. Hey! It sounded pretty good to me at the time!
Me on a camel with my mother
At one point I wanted to arrange a field trip to Rottnest Island (A local holiday resort). The school did not like the idea and my mother was also against it and there was a big ruckus over that one between me and authority. That went on for some time and there was a prolonged battle. I eventually got there but only in a modified form. So that is the kind of thing when I would be rebellious and fight the system. I never went out of my way to fight the system but if I wanted something that the system did not want me to have then I would fight it long and hard. So is that FC or RC?
Now I know what to say if a therapist ever asks me that question.
Graffiti
13:37 Permalink | Comments (8) | Email this
Comments
My cousin went to a school like that for early elementary school. It think it's pretty neat. High school did a good job of trying to destroy my love for learning. Luckily college has fixed a lot of the damage. Still though I feel somewhat held back by classes that don't go as far with knowledge as I want, because of the assumption that people will do only the minimum learning they have to. As if it's a chore. My best learning takes place outside of the typical class structure. But classes I don't like can help me learn stuff that ends up being useful later. I think a balance between the freeer learning and structured is excellent.
Posted by: Lee | Thursday, 18 June 2009
Hi Lee,
I learnt lots of great stuff at that school. It was a good experience for me about if you want something from life you have to go and get it and don't just wait for it to come to you.
So it taught me sort of life lessons like that.
Also in that era Lee it was all so idealistic and they did truly experiment with new types of eduction and so forth. It was exciting being part of that and I am glad now as I look back that I had had that experience.
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, 18 June 2009
I went to a public school and didn't do any of the work unless i wanted to anyway. They used to get a bit upset about that but what does that have to do with me? Really not my problem i guess. Actually, it wasn't until i was in my 20's and had 2 kids that i read a novel all the way through.
My dad was helping set up a 'salvation army' store in a little coastal town and they kept getting donated a huge amount of books - gosh boxes and boxes of them. Mostly Mills and Boon. *Gag* I've read so many romance novels now i can't stomach them! But i think it helped me survive those early parenting years.
I'm glad you're back home now. I hope it all went well and that you got a heap of good sleep last night.
My hubby went in to hospital when he was around 18 - 19 or so to get a heap of teeth out and a plate in. I remember it - i was still at school and he came by and picked me up after. The day he left the hospital my mum had cooked some steaks and invited him over for dinner. He ate it. I can't believe it but he actually tackled the meat. Glad it was tender!
I hope all is well with you. I hope you took today off and if you didn't, i hope you remember to rest up a bit. It takes a bit to get the anethetic out of your system. Be happy...
Posted by: roses | Friday, 19 June 2009
No rest for the wicked Roses.
Up and busy today
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Friday, 19 June 2009
Well then... conform!
Posted by: roses | Friday, 19 June 2009
No I wont then!!
Tony
Posted by: Tony | Friday, 19 June 2009
Ok. Don't conform, just take it easy in your own rebellious way.
Sheesh - stubborn poop. You sound rather well i must say - very nice to hear it.
G'night, sweet dreams...
Posted by: roses | Friday, 19 June 2009
Tony?
You know the ‘regret’ thing? When people say to not have any regrets? I was thinking about some stuff. Actually I was talking to my son in my mind.
Regrets are something that we don’t want right? They are choices that we couldn’t or didn’t choose while at a life type cross road. The kind of things that when times get a bit tough we tend to think – ‘what if’ or ‘if only’.
I don’t think they are the type of things that we don’t want. They are the things (or can be the things) that help to make our lives richer.
People who have a lot of money live in fear of loosing it. We have to ‘have’ something to be afraid of loosing it don’t we? So when we’re at a life cross road and we chose a path, then, we are one of the lucky ones who have had the opportunity of choosing. More than that, we are one of the lucky ones who took the opportunity to make a decision and not leave it there for others or ‘fate’ to decide for us.
To have control of our lives – its what most of us want so badly but few actually take a hold of.
And, regardless of the choices we make, even if we end up regretting them, who’s to say that we won’t meet the same road again and make a different decision further along in our journey? Regrets are not the things that people make them out to be are they? They’re just an ‘idea’ or a concept that isn’t actually real, aren't they? We don’t have to be frightened of them and we don’t have to let them stop us being more than we are now and living to the full, do we?
Yeah – just thinking again. It seems I’ll find all I can to get out of studying for the exam. Maybe this is a cross road for me and time for a decision to be made.
I hope your Monday is so good for you...
Posted by: roses | Monday, 22 June 2009
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