Tony White

As the all day workshop on the therapeutic relationship appraoches I have sought to add to my previous blog posts on terminating the therapeutic relationship.

In those situations where the client is the one to make the decision to end the treatment relationship a number of scenarios are possible it would seem as this transaction shows.



This demonstrates some of the difficulties that a therapist can have when the therapuetic relationship comes to a halt.

1. I want to cease therapy (Social transaction from client).
2. Are you sure that is wise at this point? or Is this a way of you avoiding significant issues coming up now? or Perhaps you should make a No Run contract? (Social transaction from therapist)
3. Covert transaction from therapist’s Parent to Child. “Explain yourself” or “Don’t you dare get out of my control”
4. Covert Child to Child transaction. “Please don’t reject me” or “Show me I am a good counsellor”.

Of course the termination of therapy in this instance is not going to be harmonious due to the therapist’s own difficulties. Other therapist’s can of course avoid such difficulties and end the relationship with the client in such a way as to benefit the clinet and them self such as in the transaction below.



1. I want to cease therapy (Social transaction from client).
2. I feel some sadness at the end and I am proud of what you had done. (FC social transaction from therapist)


Of course the client can terminate the therapy in a way which advances their life script or in a way that will promote their health and growth. If the relationship ends in an argumentative way then it would seem safe to say that the client did use the termination of this relationship to advance their script. If there is some kind of an abrupt end or disjointed end or an end that feels wrong then it is possible that the client has used it to advance their script from their AC.



1. I want to cease therapy (Social transaction from client).
2. I will use this relationship end to advance my script. (AC covert transaction)
3. I need you less. The dependency is needed no more. Your style of therapy no longer fits for me. (FC transaction from client)

If the client has a FC motivation accompanying the Adult social transaction then the relationship end is not advancing the script but promoting their health. When this happens there is usually a stepwise and slower end to the therapy. They stop coming once a week and it becomes once a fortnight and so forth. There is less contact over time.


The way to really tell if script advancement has occured is to ask self at the end of all the transactions if you feel like saying inside your head,
“It just goes to show you that...”
you can’t really trust people.
they always abandon you in the end.
I can never seem to get it right.
I never liked him anyway.
and so on endlessly



The most important factor in the termination phase of counselling, is that the client does not leave the therapeutic relationship in the same old self defeating relationship patterns that they have done so before.

Graffiti

I am writing a part for a book and need to include a piece about the Parent ego state. A section of which I have enclosed below. As you can see it is about how the Parent ego state is a collection of tapes. I was wanting to include some examples. Is there anyone out there who can give me some of their own experiences or even back channel them to me.

What attitudes or behaviors or things you say and do that are similar to what your parents did when you were a child. You may find your self parenting in the same way you were parented, or if you had a critical father you tend to be critical yourself. You may be critical of others your you may express that criticism to yourself. What behaviors, values, thoughts and feelings have you imitated or copied from your parents? They may possibly be included in what I am writing.



------------------------------------

The Parent ego state is where we have modelled on parent type figures in our life. So it is where we have our values and morals about life. When we have our own children we sometimes find that we are doing and saying things to our own children that were said to us. These are all in our Parent ego state.

The Parent ego state can be seen as a collection of tapes one has in their head that one has copied or learned from parent type figures in his life. This could be mother and father or an older sibling or some other person like a grandparent or an uncle who has had an impact on the young child as he was growing up.



This can be drawn as in diagram 2. This shows how the Parent ego state is a collection of audio and video tapes that are slotted into the person’s head. These are copied by the young child and in this case ther are four major ones. This process is inevitable due to the imitative instinct. Each of us will insticntually copy others around us and in childhood that will particularly include parent figures as they are of extra importance to us. As a result as one grows up and becomes a parent themself one can find self saying things to the children that are the same as was said to them.


Diagram 2
This copying process continues through out ones entire life so the Parent ego state is constantly being updated. However usually the strongest and loudest tapes come from early childhood and it is therefore these ones that mainly influence the individuals behaviour. Often they are quite critical tapes and one ends up with a large ‘internal critic’ that sits in the back of their head and judges what they do each day. They can be changed in adulthood with the inclusion of new noncritical tapes that will counter the highly critical ones from years ago.

Graffiti